Alexa Chung: Total Pain In The Arse

While still apparently pursuing gender reassignment surgery, T4’s Alexa Chung has taken time out to throw a girlie strop during a recent photo call. Nobody likes moany Alexa anymore - New Look and Peacocks won’t send her a thing.

Anyone who has seen Channel Four’s youth slot T4 over the past year (and that includes anyone who bothers to get up before twelve on a weekend) will be aware of Alexa Chung. She adopts the presenting style of a drunk student teacher and reads every sentence like a ventriloquist (presumably that would make occasional meathead co-presenter Rick Edwards her dummy).

Up until a few months back, Alexa was a pretty, slim girl with nothing worthwhile to say and an entirely inoffensive way of saying it. Then she lost weight, chopped off her hair, started wearing lumberjack shirts because they appeared in NYLON magazine and became a boy. If not actually a boy with a penis and useless nipples, then at least a close approximation. Why? We are not sure. Maybe to pee standing up, because that is really cool.

Alexa’s degradation gets worse. In addition to now looking like a drugged-up teenager, she has gone one step further and started acting like one. At her latest photo shoot the spindly ex-model got in a right flap about the meagre choice of clothes on offer and promptly threw a wobbly.

A source told The Sun:

"Everyone used to think she was really down to earth. Not any more. On a recent job she acted like some kind of megastar. She shocked the people she was working with by the way she kept turning her nose up at other people’s fashion tastes. She should be careful how she treats people. In the fashion industry everyone talks."

It is a terrible thing being shunned by the fashion industry. Paying for clothes is what Fearne Cotton has to do. Not gorgeous people; gorgeous people vomit enough to get things for free.

Alexa is currently fronting Vanity Lair for T4, which is a kind of Big Brother for the even more mentally retarded with symmetrical faces.

Inmates in a house of self-declared ‘attractive’ people vote out the least aesthetically pleasing specimen each week until the only one left is the most good-looking person in the whole world ever (or something similar, you try and watch it and see how much you care).

Worst of all in this vile show is Alexa herself - floating around like an aloof Pez dispenser as if the whole thing is a great idea, you get the impression she not only misses the irony of her presence, but the point of the show itself, e.g. to let the pugly mock the beautiful without fear of actually having to be in the same room as them and feel insignificant.

If you think we are being hard on Alexa, bear in mind that she earns £100,000+ a year (without endorsements) to sit on a chair and look miserable. There is a bloodhound in our local that does that and nobody pays him squat. People just hit him with a beer mat once in while.

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