There's a good chance that getting caught screaming abuse at his 11-year-old daughter on a voicemail message was the second-stupidest thing Alec Baldwin has ever done after Cat In The Hat, but he's doing all he can to fix it.
Well, maybe not all he can – if we were Alec Baldwin we'd have already set up a helpline for rude thoughtless little pigs who are gonna get their asses straightened out – but Alec Baldwin has gone on The View anyway to apologise to his daughter. Well, he's gone on The View to apologise to his daughter and then make a bunch of angry paranoid veiled threats to tabloid reporters in the mistaken belief that it's their fault that everyone thinks he's an angry douchebag of a bad father and not because he called his daughter a pig, but that's close enough.
Alec Baldwin must be ruefully looking back on the days when his biggest worries were some people calling Arnold Schwarzenegger a Nazi and the release of the song I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass, because they were much simpler times. There wasn't a voicemail tape of him furiously yelling "You are a rude, thoughtless little pig" at his 11-year-old daughter for a start.
Even though the custody battle that Alec Baldwin has fought with Kim Basinger over their daughter Ireland has been long, petty, bitter and full of confusing accusations about chocolate bar wrappers, nothing can come close to the sound of Alec Baldwin screeching "I'm gonna really make sure you get it" at a child because she didn't answer a phone. But, to Alec Baldwin's credit, he seems to realise this.
After the voicemail message saw him being banned from contacting his daughter until next month, Alec Baldwin apologised on his website, dumped his agents seemingly out of shame, announced that he might give up acting but probably won't – and now Alec Baldwin has gone on The View to sort of apologise again. Because, hey, the best way to get your message out there is by going on the show famous for a) a fight between an obese lesbian and a megalomaniac and b) the time a short bald man was so drunk that he threw up inside his own mouth on live TV. Right?
Anyway, on The View Alec Baldwin managed to deal with the apology to his daughter in about ten seconds before trying to pass the responsibility for his actions onto anyone else at hand. Kim Basinger has already denied leaking the tape to the media, so this time Alec Baldwin decided to blame the tabloid press for reporting about the time that he bellowed abuse at a little girl down the telephone. Why? Here's what he said:
"People in the tabloid media are themselves people who are abused and are people who are living with shameful secrets. They make it their career to humiliate you and expose your secrets. You find out that everyone who works in tabloid media are people who are filled with self-hatred and shame, and the way they manage those feelings, they destroy the lives of other people and reveal your secrets."
Then, his confidence visibly rising, Alec Baldwin turned to the camera and added:
"I want them to know something, OK? I'm tired of playing this game with you. You have insulted me for the last time. You don't have the brains or the decency as human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old or 11 years old or that you're a child. You've made me feel like shit and you've made me feel like a fool over and over again. I am gonna get on a plane and I'm gonna come out there for the day and I'm gonna straighten your ass out when I see you, do you understand me? I'm gonna really make sure you get it. Then I'm gonna get on a plane, I'm gonna turn around and then I'm gonna go home. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?"
Oh, sorry, our mistake – that isn't what Alec Baldwin said on The View at all. That was what Alec Baldwin wailed at his 11-year-old daughter when she didn't answer the phone once. Whoops. Silly us.
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