Alanis Morissette once more or less wrote an album slagging off one of her horrible ex-boyfriends. Then she wrote one where she thanked thanked India and consequence for a bunch of stuff, but that's less relevant.
So keep your eyes and ears peeled for the next Alanis Morissette album, because it might just be another 'you were a crap boyfriend' album. And, if it is, it'll be directed squarely at Ryan Reynolds, her fiance. Or should we say ex fiance – according to reports, Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds have split up.
We're getting pretty bummed out by today's news, we don't mind telling you. It's just all so… sad. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt publicly announce that they won't get married, Keanu Reeves gives an interview about all the dreadful things in his life, Hugh Jackman is making a film about cows – OK, not that one so much – and now Alanis Morissette splits up with her fiance of two years Ryan Reynolds. It's all too much to take! Wait a minute, Alanis Morissette was going out with Ryan Reynolds? We didn't know that.
But reports are suggesting that it's true; Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds – that's 'Ryan Reynolds from that Van Wilder film' to you – are no longer engaged. And, just because we didn't know they were together, it didn't stop Alanis from yammering about how happy they were together to People magazine this time last year:
"He's just such a supportive creature. I feel so loved by him, in a trampoline kind of way. He's always very happy for me."
Well not any more, obviously. Neither Alanis Morissette or Ryan Reynolds have been able to be reached for comment about why they split up, but we'd image it had something to do with all those transparent dangling carrots that Alanis kept leaving laying around the house all the time, or the fact that she's compulsively unable to end a sentence without going "yeah yeah ahh ohhh ahhh ho oh ahhh ho ohhhhhh yeaahhhh yeahh," at the end. In which case, we'd imagine that Alanis is consulting her spelling dictionary to find an end to the couplet "That Just Friends film you were in was a bag of shit," for a new song she's writing.
Phew, we made it through without a single 'why the long face' crack. We rule.
[story by Stuart Heritage]