Imagine being married to Alanis Morissette. No, actually, don’t imagine it. We don’t want you to see you cry.
Oh, the whining. Oh, the new-age nothingisms. Oh the perpetual threat of having to listen to Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie all the way through more than once. Oh the constant mental worry that she’ll record an entire album of personal insults if you fail to put the bins out properly. No, don’t imagine being married to Alanis Morissette at all.
Instead, spare a thought for Mario ‘Souleye’ Treadway, who has been revealed as the man who got married to Alanis Morissette last month. He deserves our pity. Or at least he would if he didn’t call himself ?’Souleye’, because that sort of makes him sound like a bellend.
Disregard the last three paragraphs. We were being obnoxious. We’re actually really happy that Alanis Morissette has got married. After all, she’s a woman who clearly needs some happiness in her life. Admittedly we’re basing that assessment on her recorded output between the years 1995-1998 and the fact that she once broke up with the man who Scarlett Johansson is now married to, because they’re the only things we know about her.
For all we know, Alanis Morissette might be the happiest woman on the planet. For all we know, she’s spent the last 12 years releasing albums called things like Alanis Morissette’s Singalong Party Time Kazoo Marathon. The truth is, we just know know. And the reason for that is that we just don’t care about her very much.
But still, Alanis Morissette is probably incredibly happy now, because she’s got married to Mario ‘Souleye’ Treadway, a rapper with a middle name that sounds like a slang term for the thing you poo out of. MTV reports:
Alanis Morrissette married rapper Mario “Souleye” Treadway during an intimate ceremony in Los Angeles on May 22.?People reports that the ceremony was attended by family members and close friends.?”So happy to share with you that my man Souleye and I got married,” Morissette later revealed on?her Twitter page. “We’re very excited to embark on this journey with each other.”
Now, we know what you’re thinking – if Alanis Morissette got married on May 22, why are we only hearing about it now? The answer, quite clearly, is because nobody really cares very much about Alanis Morissette any more. Hope that helps.
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