We hate the short-tailed albatross. We hate everything about them. We hate the way their legs look, we hate the way their eyes look, and we even hate the way their spleens don't tear out clean when you remove them frantically with only your fingers.

We've been pushing petitions to exterminate them in their entirety for almost two weeks now, and you know what the albatross have the nerve to do? They waltz on over to the endangered species list and sit nice and cozy in their alphabetically-listed slot. That list won't save you, birds! Not from us!

You know who understands our hatred? Al Gore. We know it sounds weird as he's so pro-planet and all, but he told us so over two thick cuts of polar bear steak. He's got his own nemesis on the endangered species list, and he recently served a whole bunch of them up on beautifully decorated platters at his fat* daughter's wedding. We have it on good authority that the bride herself ate the last three of the entire species*.

Good for you Al, now lets talk bird recipes.

*We made it up. We're sure l'il Gore is quite skinny.

If you were lucky enough to attend Al Gore's daughter's wedding recently, then you probably enjoyed several fork-fulls of delicious Chilean Sea Bass. Some say the Chilean Sea Bass is the most endangered fish to almost not exist anymore. The fish are so rare, in fact, that after Gore's grill-filled wedding the only two known to still exist are the Johnsons in a Milwaukee suburb. The male, apparently, is an architect. Back on topic – the former vice president took a break from conquering the sun with a Princess Diana tribute or something to see his daughter marry some guy that loves her for her. The Daily Telegraph had this to say about Gore's endangered sea-meal:

"Gore and his guests at the weekend ceremony dined on Chilean sea bass – arguably one of the world's most threatened fish species. Also known as Patagonian toothfish, the species is under pressure from illegal, unregulated and unreported fishing activities in the Southern Ocean, jeopardising the sustainability of remaining stocks…As we await a response from the US… the sustainability of the Patagonian toothfish and the legal fishing industry inches closer to the brink of extinction."

That sounds serious, right? Well it's more serious if the so-called 'tooth fish' were to thrive as so many nature 'enthusiasts' insist we help them do. Remember when we said we had polar bear steaks with Al Gore*? Well you can't eat something like polar bear without having a stimulating and highly intellectual conversation**. It's because their white ice-blood massages the human cortex***, which in turn allows your brain to freely spread-out through the rest of your body****. We're serious here.

Anyway, over dinner Al mentioned that the Sea Bass is solely responsible for over 3% of global warming*****. They release microwave-like emissions that cause the clouds to get thicker and trap-in heat******. It's a proven fact******* – google it.

Read More:

Al Gore Feasts on Vanishing Species! – Freerepublic.com

* Not True 

** Not True 

*** Not True 

**** Not True 

***** Not True 

****** Not True  

******* Not True