Adriana Lima Makes Awful Life Choice: Hooks Up With Justin Bieber


Celebrities: they’re just like us. Sometimes they go to parties, get a bit too drunk, and end up hooking up with people who our friends will ridicule us for touching. However, when a celebrity pulls this shit the entire damn world ridicules them, which is exactly what I’m going to do to Adriana Lima now that I know she hooked up with Justin Bieber.

The story goes, that Biebs was putting some hardcore moves on Adriana in Cannes (at his age, that means he offered her half of his fruit roll up) and after some drinks Adriana thought: You know what? I would like to make a terrible life choice right now and go from sexy supermodel to drunken child molester.

Videos have surfaced from their night out together and it looks like Bieber is trying to awkwardly dance up on a drunk (and recently single) Adriana. Later that evening, Bieber posted the above pic to his Instagram with the caption:

I think she foreign, I think she foreign

Which I have since found out are lyrics from his song “Confident” which I have never listened to and never plan on listening to.

Apparently, the two ended up going home together at 5 a.m., which is around the same time I lost all respect for Adriana Lima. Selena Gomez I can forgive, she’s young and doesn’t know better, but Adriana? She’s a 32-year-old mother. Get your shit together, girl!

I don’t fucking understand how Justin Bieber gets all these gorgeous women. I mean, maybe I’d find him attractive if I didn’t think he was such a thunder cunt, but he’s essentially a 20-year-old brat with a dirt ‘stache who’s had maybe one song I can stomach. I’m sorry, but I don’t see the fucking appeal.

ALSO, what grown woman with any fucking sense would bang an asshole that wears sunglasses at night?! CALM THE FUCK DOWN, COREY HART!