Ever seen someone on the TV and thought “I wish I could marry you and live with you in a castle in the clouds”?

You haven’t? We should possibly keep our strange Katy Perry fantasies to ourselves. But otherwise, we expect you to have fancied someone famous at some point.

Go on admit it. When you were younger your bedroom was plastered full of photos of your favourite musician. Take That fans for example have never removed their promotional photos of their heroes. The chances of you meeting someone famous on a Saturday night are low. But times are changing! Adele wants to meet someone non-famous, and there’s no catch apparently.

With filth on the internet such as Two Girls One Cup, we assume that going for a temptress like Adele is a pretty specialised area. Not because you enjoy the thrills of a female doing unsavoury things with certain liquids, but listening to Adele talk repetitively may want you to block your ears with poo.

To say that Adele spoke the Queen’s English to the full approval of royal parade and thumbs up from Prince Phillip is a lie. A big fat stinking cockney lie.

So how would you manage to woo Adele in to your grotty bedsit? Would flowers, chocolates or even a puppy to do the trick? None of these surefire winners will do the trick; she just wants you to be interesting. Adele said:

“I’ve never had a proper conversation with a celeb, ever. They’re so boring.”

But what to talk about? Would Adele find your spiel and knowledge of model aeroplanes from 1976-1992 interesting? She never really expanded on what turns her on in terms of conversation. The girl may like an informal discussion of Russian militant history whilst holding hands and strolling down a canal bank. Blokes, it’s up to you to find out and let us all know.

From our rubbish knowledge of Adele we’ll have a stab in the dark and guess pavements. Crikey, she convinced enough people to buy copies of a song dedicated to them. Perhaps you can ask which street her favourite pavement is on, has she ever fallen over on a pavement, what’s the best type of concrete to make a pavement with and does she prefer crazy paving to normal paving?

Or failing that, talk about cake. Everyone likes cake.

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