Adam Levine Is Sorry For Being A Douche

Adam Levin Behati PrinslooAdam Levine is the typical rock star.  He lives on a diet of fame and model crotch.  While he can sing about love like he really means it, he’s kind of a douchebag when it comes to the women he has dated.

But since he’s decided to stick with one woman for the rest of his life (or about a year at most), he wants to make amends with all the scorned women of his past.   And they couldn’t care less.

Adam Levine suffers from the same disease as Leonardo DiCaprio, OMFD (Obsessive Model Fucking Disorder).  Basically, if you model for Victoria’s Secret and have great inner thigh gap, you have a chance with Levine.  Not that he respects you or stays faithful, or any of that commoner shit.  He is the lead singer of a band!  Add that to the fact that he is on a reality show AND does infomercials, who really expects anything different?

Last year, he was dating catwalker Nina Agdal for a few months, after he broke up with model du jour Behati Prinsloo.  For about 4 months, Levine was hanging around Agdal, until one day he decided he was over.  So he did the mature thing and stopped answering her calls and texts.  And why, do you ask?

Oh, because he was back to banging Prinsloo.  Classy guy.

And what is the next rational move to make when you break up with your manwhore boyfriend for a few months and he immediately starts fucking your coworkers?  YOU GET ENGAGED!  Yup, People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” (which, I won’t lie, I agree with.  Adam is hot) put a ring on it, and is trying to commit to one salad eating model for the rest of his life.   He also made the most respectful move ever, and informed Agdal of this information through a text message.   Take that Joe Jonas.

Now that the wedding now is getting closer, Levine is having a moment of clarity and repentance, and has decided to contact some of his prior girlfriends and apologize for being a dick.  The spell of having the guy who sings “She Will Be Loved” bend you over while he stares at his pristine skin (thanks, Proactiv!) must wear off quickly though, because none of them are having it.  They couldn’t care less about his sorries, and instead are probably all getting together and making a betting chart on how long the marriage will last (if they even make it down the aisle).  Put me in for $20 on 1 year, with separation due to alleged cheating, though publicly their publicists will  say they just grew apart but remain best of friends!

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