A warning: if you don’t like fat teenage girls with silly emo haircuts and black nail polish, stay inside during November.
They’ll be out in force. Not only is New Moon coming out – which, let’s face it, would be bad enough by itself – but it’s also when For Your Entertainment, the first album from stupid-haired screeching emo vampire American Idol loser Adam Lambert, is being released.
And Adam Lambert’s first single has just been leaked onto the internet. It’s called Time For Miracles. So long as that miracle involves the entire internet being deleted just to stop us from hearing it, we couldn’t agree more.
You remember Adam Lambert, don’t you? Of course you do – he was the break-out star of the last American Idol. And by ‘break-out star’ we mean that he was the contestant who looked most like Evil Spider-Man, had a singing voice that sounded most like an obese old lady being molested by a ghost and wouldn’t let on about his sexuality even though he literally couldn’t have been any gayer if he wore a T-Shirt with ‘I AM QUITE GAY’ written on it in sequins. You remember Adam Lambert. He was rubbish.
And, more importantly, he’s back. On November 23 Adam Lambert releases his new album For Your Entertainment – a slight misnomer because, if other American Idol albums are anything to go by it should be called For You To Buy, Play Once, Forget About And Then Hide Whenever Your Friends Come To Visit. But that’s beside the point, because the first single from Adam Lambert’s album has been leaked onto the internet.
The song’s entitled Time For Miracles, and it shows an impressive level of intelligence from Adam Lambert. You see, the song is from the forthcoming end-of-the-world disaster movie 2012, so its nearest reference point is Aerosmith‘s I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing from Armageddon. And it has to be better than that, right? Listening to a cat vomit into a metal bucket is better than that. So, MTV, what does Time For Miracles by Adam Lambert actually sound like?
The Brian May-approved power ballad was composed by…
OK, sorry MTV, we’re just going to stop you there. Brian May-approved? Brian May-approved? That’s not exactly a mark of quality, is it? In fact, it’s pretty much exactly the opposite. Let’s just take a quick look at some of the things that Brian May has approved in his time: 1) the Queen album Hot Space, 2) haircuts that looks exactly like explosive candyfloss diarrhoea, 3) standing on the roof of Buckingham Palace playing the guitar like some sort of awful hairy wazzock, 4) getting his wife to sing songs based on the EastEnders theme-tune, 5) Adam Lambert’s new single.
So, yeah, we’re not exactly jumping up and down about it.
But, hey, if you still want to hear the leaked version of Time For Miracles by Adam Lambert, you’re going to have to track it down for yourself. Alternatively you can listen to a sneak preview on this 2012 video. Be warned, though – it sounds a bit like a miniature witch having a violent tantrum over a lesser Bond theme. But maybe that’s your thing.
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{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, what a idiot you are. Such a shame.
What an ass–sorry, you’re British. What an arse! There comes a point in musical snobbery where you must like something, otherwise just sit on your thumbs staring into space…Although this criticism was humerous, it’s overly viscious–some personal resentments?
Just like Saint-Lambert-Du-Lathay, Anjou, Loire, Adam Lambert’s vinyards continue to thrive and produce distinctively complex and wonderful fruit… very much in contrast to Heritage sour grapes
I know, we usually only roast the ones we really love the most!
This article is for hits only. Everyone knows Adam Lambert has the best voice anyone has heard in a long time…so says many in the music industry, not only Brian May. So I guess you succeeded because I certainly click on anything that mentions Adam. He is brilliant!!!
Usually these are funny. This was just mean and stupid.
I agree. I’ve been defending Stuart’s articles on Adam for months now because I recognized them for the tongue-in-cheek humor in which they were intended. But this piece isn’t gently poking fun — it’s just plain mean. I’m disappointed.
Is this meant to be funny? If it is, Adam Lambert will be laughing all the way to the bank. Don’t give up your day job because this entire piece sucks.
Whoah! deep hatred here. You must have finished top on Negative Journalism if ever there was, or this qualifies more to no proper education at all. What did Adam do to you? just ask this question to yourself. And whatever you do or say, you can’t help it, Adam is up there realizing his dreams, having a good life and earning a fortune, or should we say jealousy plays a big role here. If you’re wise and smart like Adam topped with great talent and charisma you’ll be living up your dreams too. Stop being negative, open your heart and let Adam’s positive vibes enter it and you’ll see how wonderful life is. We all have our moments, and being negative and accusing won’t help. It’s never too late. Look at the positive attributes of Adam and others that you perhaps hate too, and let them inspire you. ‘Cause I am pretty sure that you are a much better person that you are currently are.
Back in my day we didn’t have “emo girls” as a label. We did have fat goth girls though. Although they were fat and depressed they were still snobby and stuck up. You think a fat girl with an image problem would be more likely to give up the booty.
So as a note to all the young dudes, don’t go chasing after fat emo girls. Stick with the earth-mother hippy types. Free love man!
^^^ Dude knows what he’s talking about.
You’re stupid and jealous and your opinions just lost all the credibility they once had. Liked you once, now? Not so much.
Whoa!! What’s your problem? Feel threatened by a good looking man? Its time to seek out some therapy…..
And just a hint….try using spell check before you publish an article……..
Whoever wrote this article is a dog poo! Looks like one and stinks like one! Shit for brains…
Sounds like someone needs to come out of the closet.
You know, sometimes I do miss StuFan#1.
wow…to the person who wrote this article, i’m sorry that ur life is so sad! everyone knows that Adam is insanely talented..either u are deaf or just retarded…in fact even deaf people can look at him and see that he’s clearly a star..he’s sensational! it is not actually relevant to argue whether or not he is good…he is incredible! As for your “fat” teenage girls comment…WTF! that is firstly incredibly insulting to his millions of fans..why fat..why should his fans be fat, it was an unnecessary remark! and as for time for miracles…it is a beautiful song! why u feel the need to rip it apart is beyond me! plus it isn’t even his debut..he was merely asked to sing it and did…why not…2012 equals publicity and cash! lastly as an 18 year old myself- who presently feels intelectually superior to you whatever ur age is… i can tell you that his hairstyle is incredibly sexy as is he! so to sum up..his massive fan base adore him and will support him regardless…and you are a moron!
you are clueless !!!!!!!!!!!! Adam has already said this song sounds nothing like his album….no need to bust on him like you did before you hear HIS ALBUM..so get a life and stop being so synical !!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s ok. A lot of people hated Elvis. Probably even more people hated Michael Jackson. The more famous and successful someone becomes, the more haters seem to come out of the woodwork. Stuart probably hated MJ and Elvis too. Jealousy is not pretty Stuart.
Who the Hell are YOU anyway? Brian May raved over Adam’s performance of the song (and rightly so), not the song itself. You are just a braying jackass!
Wow obsessive mornic fans for this guy?
Come on, regular readers have to start believing me about the flouride and mind control.
Asshat with a small dick!! LOL!!! You are so envious of successful people that the only way for you to feel good is to put down a good person. I bet you are ugly inside and out!!
If you’re called wiccangirl, does that mean you fall into the ‘Easy Hippy chick’ category, or the ‘Uptight goth, won’t give up the booty’ camp?
Cuz, you know, that monicker’s a bit misleading.
You give Britain a bad name. Idiot!
“Every person has the power to make others happy. Some do it simply by entering a room — others by leaving the room. Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy. Some leave trails of hate and bitterness; others, trails of love and harmony. Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism; others trails of faith and optimism. Some leave trails of criticism and resignation; others trails of gratitude and hope. What kind of trails do you leave?” ~ William Arthur Ward ~
Wow! “Gossip for grownups?” This blog should be called “Jealous Rants for losers who wish they had the looks and talent of Adam Lambert”
And to imply his fans are fat……is that your ugly gray haired mug in the video. I suppose in your advanced age you are envious of those who have an entire life ahead of them. A life filled with success and fame….what are you a wannabe Simon? Don’t forget your “hero” Simon is the one who discovered Adam. Well the good new is in 20 years from now when u are long gone and Adam becomes iconic, your nasty words will be all but humorous and laughable.
Wow, what personal abuse but then what else to expect from the followers of S@t@n? Yes, for that, is what you are if you follow people like @d@m L@mbert and Tw!l!ght, because they are but channels for his misery and wrath.
Stuart, please know that you have the blessing of GOD in doing this great work and turning the minds of SINNERS against evil.
Peace, love, go Redbirds (yay!)
G4J
The only trails Adam will leave is blood and vomit when he dies of a massive overdose and throws up his spleen in a Gay bar in San Fran.
You’re SUCH a dick. He’s talented in every aspect and you just come around and spout all this crap. At least he’s honest..And please, the miracle in the internet being deleted is YOU’D BE GONE AS WELL. THAT, my friend, is indeed a miracle. ;}
wow love your comment so funny and true it would be great :]
This site is not hosted by Geocities, which is being deleted soon.
It will be as if a million webpages all cried out in fear, and were suddenly silenced.
You caused that. I hope you’re proud of yourself, Chelsea.
Couldn’t agree more to this article! Good job
How UGLY are you??? Just want to know how a MAN with NO SOUL looks! How much have you sold it??? What does it profit to serve Satan???
You know I love your articles but sometimes the whiny-girl-pee-stained comments are the best entertainment by far. Today we’ve even got a religious nut all ready to pin the blame on Satan! And I think they’re actually being serious!!! You can’t make this shit up and I just love every minute of it. Please keep provoking these losers, this is too much fun!
wow i must agree the comments are funny your made me laugh. i don’t think the person was actually serious about Satan. its a far stretch to call them a religious nut but funny. I must say its funny that you think that everyone here are losers your the one spending your day bashing people on the internet haha. i only get on really quick to see if he single came out and i found this article and I love it! so funny so much crap all i could do was laugh!! Your just as bad as the author! so thanks for the laugh.
are you kidding me? adam lambert is freaking amazing! you would have to be deaf and blind not to know that. he’s sexy and like the best singer i’ve ever heard in my life. so please, stop talking your shiiz and get a life. ADAM IS A ROCKSTAR! and you are just jealous.
Actually he’s a made up pop star for your little Teen Beat/Tiger Beat/Bop fantasies.
History will forget him and not even have a “Where is he now” segment on him in 5 years.
Milli Vanilli have more staying power than this clown.
Holy crap, I’m not even an Adam Lambert fan and you come across as rather pathetic and sad.
Go find someone to hug you angry emo…..
Joe Momma, please do stop embarrassing yourself.
Stuart Heritage (there’s an inappropriate surname if there ever was one), please stop being an embarrassment to us Brits.
What would be embarassing would be buying this clown’s CD.
Why did this turn into a Brian May hate fest?
While it wasn’t their best album it had some great songs and did help influence Michael Jackson when he was making Thriller.
Second of all did you see his performance from atop Buckingham Palace? That was awesome.
As for the other stuff I don’t know but I’m pretty sure Brian May is still more relevant than you.
yes! i did the same thing as laura said! if there is something to do with adam, i’ll click on it too! i agree, he is brilliant!!!
<3
HAHAHA so funny you think you have it all figured out but you can’t even get your facts straight!! ummm time for miracles is isn’t even on his album its for the movie 2012 and is in no way a reflection of his album. also you have lot of other mistakes in you article you go some of the dates wrong too. So what if hes gay? what you jealous? that he comfortable with himself and your not. ohh and i like new moon and adam lambert but i’m not fat, i weigh less then hundred pounds and i run cross country! I am most definitely not “EMO” (no funny hair cut here) if anything im a “PREP” you know expensive clothes, and that kind of stuff but i like to be myself and i like this kind of things so i don’t like being called a stereotype. I’m not just any one type of person i can like adam lambert, cross country, shopping, holister, coach, twilight, and whatever else i want i don’t have to be set in certain “type”. But you did give me a good laugh with all our crap so ill thank you with that. i’ll just agree to disagree. But one thing when you when you go around making fun of things at least have the facts right. cause you got alot of things messed up.
Well Stuart, at least you have that girl4jesusfreak, or whatever her name is on your side. I just want to remind you Stuart to vote for Adam for best breakout star. Just to to People’s Choice.com and vote. Stuart, you can also vote for Adam in other categories, just type his name in. You know you want him Stuart, you want Adam to win.
Girl4jesus….. I’m pretty sure Jesus loved all people and accepted all people for who they were. I don’t believe that Jesus believed in hate and I’m pretty darn sure he was put on the cross for becuase of hate. So stop using Jesus as your excuse for hate and don’t end your comments with the word peace, that word does not belong anywhere near your mouth. Your an idiot and Adam is a gift from God.
Stuart Heritage = WANKER!
You are very very sad species. You dont know what the f—- your talking about. Time for Miracles is a beautiful song and adam sings it beautifuly
Wow, you might want to get to the Dr. fast and remove that pole up your a**. Sheesh… What a music snob.
this fuckin faggot who posted this can go fuck themselves in hell. FUCK YOU. your gay and all you can do is make fun of a person who is better than you at EVERYTHING, AANNNDDD hes gay. OWNED PUSSY.
look at this faggot writing shit about some guy, hahaha. shut the fuck up u fruitbag and just end your life already, nobody likes you.
People like you are the reason that teenage girls have issues with eating disorders and self-esteem. Hope you are proud of yourself because you sound like a completely ignorant selfish ass hole.
And for you to have so much feeling and so much anger over Adam Lambert suggests that there is more to this than you just hating his voice. I don’t know…could it be Jealousy? Questioning your own sexuality? Questioning your own self-worth? Hmmm, well I would guess that this is more about you than it is about him, and I feel sorry for you.
shame on you stop this you are whiny not Adam so try and geta life and have your hearing checked seruoudly
Adam ‘s talent and vocals are not up fro discussion gay or ot heis a rock God
suzy victoria canada now get a life and stop this crap now please.
wow such hate. I send you love. Adam is all about love too so I am sure he does the same. peace out.
Ok first off u fuckin punk!!! Adams all love…he can sing ta fuckin pants off any loosers u have back in ur fuckn country! If you don’t like someone just ignor them! U don’t have have to be so fuckn hate full! Btw I’d like to hear u sing some of his songs…or any song for that matter! U can’t just go around stickn ur ass in everything! Ok u fuckn British fuckass!
ok first off i agree with all that you said adam lambert sucks his voice is crap why dont you guys look at true artists the rolling stones the beatles u2 kiss those are the ones that will be remembered adam lambert sucks i think all power to you if you like his music but i think that he is an annoying whiny voiced crappy singer and no i do not say this out of jealousy or that i hat my life and he is not a rock god nor will he ever be one JLS is far better then adam lambert