Just when you thought the world could not get any stupider, the cast of 1980s TV treasure The A-Team have decided to contact fellow actor George Peppard for a chat.

That the silver-maned, leather glove-wearing Penguin impersonator has been dead for 13 years apparently poses no problem to them whatsoever. They are planning to build a séance out of Mr T’s bankruptcy petition and a half-chewed packet of Bisodol.

It seems we all went A-Team mad again last year for about five minutes when Justin Lee ‘barnacle face’ Collins tracked down what members of the old cast he could find alive and suitability destitute enough for a Botox soirée in L.A. The show was actually great fun and has since been repeated by makers Channel Four at least twice, presumably because E4 is a tougher prospect to fill than Jade Goody’s work diary. Lee Collins taking credit for his talented team of researchers’ no-doubt months of careful planning aside, it was great to see most of the old A-Team crew cosy up and compare girdle sizes. Mr T didn’t go to the party of course, because he’s a miserable bastard.

As failing to capitalise on a temporary career resurgence is a bigger crime than smoking under a duvet with the world's biggest bronchial sufferer, The re-funked A-Team, currently consisting of Dirk Benedict (one-time Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck), Dwight Schultz (H.M. Murdock) and, with a newly agreed, Snickers-endorsed, gotta be handsomely paid contract, Mr T (B.A. Baracus), are going to get together and right the wrongs of the dead and buried. Like when they don’t talk to people who are still alive and never thank anyone for wiping down their sullied headstones.

Such ghostly idiotic madness will be 'made possible’ by Yvette Fielding and her team of insanity patients on TV’s Most Haunted – a show most viewers try to pass off as being ‘a bit of tacky fun’, when in fact it’s ‘less worthwhile than a Chucklevision porno and twice as nauseating’.

Here’s Yvette spilling the rotting cadaver full of maggot-ridden beans:

“We're all going to Los Angeles for a week to film it. It took a lot of doing to get those three together – now we have to do the really hard part.”

Or…

“We’re all off for free jaunt round L.A. for as long as we can stretch it. If after fifteen Cosmopolitans and a round of ‘George Peppard was a right sod’ anecdotes we can be bothered to go ‘woo!’ and pretend to cry when a cup falls on the floor, then we will have a show for you some time in the fall.”

It is a lot of silly nonsense, we all know that; contacting the dead is no more possible than Dirk Benedict slipping back into character as the Faceman and pulling anything more than a tendon. Will we watch though? Certainly. Will we hide behind the sofa as our gleeful childhood memories drift into a haze of Blair Witch style camerawork and Mr T’s vested paunch obscuring the lens? Yeah, we’ll probably do that, too.

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A-Team Reunite to Contact Deceased Peppard – Evening Echo