What’s the last thing you want to do when you’re publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce?

If you said ‘the last thing you would want to do when you’re publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person’s charity’ then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won’t take that away from you.

It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex ‘A-Rod’ Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he’s only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna’s charity, Raising Malawi, while he’s both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money.

He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.

But no, A-Rod is probably too far gone in his brainwashing to turn Madonna down, seemingly feeling that he has to pay the money out right now. But all is not lost for the baseball supremo, as it would seem the mind-warping kabbalah hasn’t completely broken down his resolve. Speaking to the New York Daily News, a source said:

“They’ve asked him for a million dollars, and I hear he’s agreed to give at least $500,000.”

So unless it’s some kind of evil kabbalah test to see how well A-Rod’s mind has handled the brainwashing, it would seem the man is still in control of some of his faculties. His financial ones, at least.

The charity in question which Rodriguez donated to is Madonna’s pet project, aiming to get schools built in Malawi. While it has been denied that these schools will be kabbalah brainwashing centres, there is still the chance that their function is to either train these children to be gap-toothed hags with no talent, or possibly just big men who hit things with sticks for a living. Or even gap-toothed hagmen with no talent who hit things with sticks for a living, while wearing leotards that bit too tight.

A chilling thought, we’re sure you’ll agree.

We can get one thing from all of this though – if A-Rod reads this story, which he’s sure to do as hecklerspray is a worldwide phenomenon, he may finally pick up on at least one of life’s lessons. In future, Alex, if you’re trying to deny any kind of relationship with Madonna, just don’t donate half a million dollars to her.

It’s a simple one and we know it can be easy to overlook, but take the point on board and make sure you don’t make the mistake again. Discretion being the better part of valour, and all that guff.

Unless you want to donate $500,000 to make Guy Ritchie just go away forever. That we would heartily recommend.