Gossip for grown-ups
Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
The world of the paranormal can sometimes seem to be stuffed with mundane monsters. Anytime Bigfoot sees a camera he high steps it out of range. And Nessie – she’ll occasionally allow her floating-log looking hump to be photographed from a distance, but she’s far too shy for a close up.
Not so for the Brosno Dragon! It’s best known for eating Mongol armies and swallowing Nazi warplanes.
That Michael Jackson, what a character. He barely went five minutes without getting into some sort of hilarious situation. If he wasn't buying all sorts of ridiculous crap that he couldn't afford, he was probably skidding around in monkey poo. People complain when we call him Wacko Jacko, but how could you not? One thing that really did make Michael less wacky was his relationship with children. There's just something a little bit weird about a grown man who shares his bed with kids, no matter how innocently it's done. But Michael Jackson is dead now, so that will no longer be a problem, right? Wrong - Michael Jackson has returned from beyond the grave, and once again he's targeting the young. The very young.
Victoria’s Secret? Well, it's not really a secret at all. Want to sell some underwear? Just get some of the hottest women alive to prance around in it. It’s that simple. Seriously, stick Heidi Klum in an advert for anything and we would be at the front of the queue. Even if it is thrush cream. Job done. But who are the hottest Victoria’s Secret models of all? Well, all we can say is, we certainly enjoyed trying to find out.
Obviously when we saw New Moon, we mean The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Because that's the film's official title. Or we mean Omigod Omigod OMIGODDDD I TOTALLY JUST SAW EDWARD'S NIPPLES! SQUEEE! Because that's what people who see the film are most likely to screech when asked about it. Anyway, New Moon is the new weekend box office number one, after opening to record-breaking success. What records did New Moon break? Well, it officially had the highest opening day gross of any film in history, so that's one. It's also broken the record for the film that made us unfriend the most amount of people on Facebook for saying how much they enjoyed it. Go New Moon!
We're thrilled to announce that this might just be the last thing we ever write about Jon and Kate Gosselin. The signs are certainly good. The last episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is broadcast tonight. Jon and Kate Gosselin have thrashed out a surprisingly amicable divorce settlement. That's it. Now both Jon and Kate can fade into the background and we'll never hear from them again. That is, unless one of Jon Gosselin's sexual partners sells their story to the press, or Kate Gosselin's relentless desire for attention culminates in her taking out strangers from a clock tower with a sniper rifle. Both of which are quite likely to happen. This isn't the last we've heard of Jon and Kate Gosselin at all, is it? Bollocks.
One of the worst things about smoking - and this is true - is that it really impedes one's ability to chase down strangers with chainsaws and brutally murder them. And this is a problem. So much so, in fact, that the European Commission has put together a video that specifically promotes an anti-smoking lifestyle to maximise the lung capacity of chainsaw-killers in regard to pursuits. We're not making this up. There's even a little squadron of anti-smoking mascots to help the murderers along. One of them looks like an amputated testicle. Again, not making this up. See for yourself after the jump...
The American Music Awards - like the Grammys, but more likely to make you lose total faith in humanity - always surprise. And last night they surprised. The two biggest winners at last night's AMAs were Taylor Swift (who wasn't there) and Michael Jackson (who hasn't released an album of new material since 2001) (and was nominated for a Greatest Hits album that's over six years old) (and who is quite conclusively dead). That wasn't the surprise, though. No, the big surprise was that Black Eyed Peas won the prize for Best Pop Group. Honestly, what's wrong with these people? Don't they have ears?
Notice how the sun's not shining quite as brightly today? Notice how everyone looks considerably more miserable today? It's because Jedward were kicked off X Factor last night. And Lloyd wasn't. Honestly, people are stupid. Anyway, last night's X Factor was George Michael night and, by and large, it was a gigantic disappointment. We were looking forward to seeing Olly doze off behind the wheel of a Range Rover and Danyl masturbate furiously inside a public lavatory. Didn't happen. Heartbroken. Still, at least the X Factor recap is here to cheer us up...
Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases. This is it: the Christmas moneygrab officially starts here. The record companies have been softening us up recently, with small-arms fire from the likes of Sting and Ronan Keating. But this week, they pull the camouflage netting away from their yuletide Howitzers and begin pounding us into bloodied submission. The SuBo: Boom! The Glambert: Bang! The fat DJ who can't shave his corpulent, slobbering face properly: well, let's wait and see about that one... Okay, here's your Mango. Three reviews, three thoughts. Let's do it.