Gossip for grown-ups
Awesome or Off-Puttingis a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
UFOs have been caught on tape an awful lot. A recent survey show’s them to be the third most common thing home-recorded – finishing behind home-videos of John Edwards boinking various non-wives, and home-videos of John Edwards smiling behind a basement-desk calling himself ‘Mr. President’ and signing a whole stack of important looking blank printer paper.
Well UFOs have been filmed again – this time swarming all over Acapulco.
First, a clarification - Rip Torn has the best celebrity arrest of all time. The man's a genius. He's untouchable. He's 78 years old and he broke into a bank, holding a loaded gun, because he was so drunk that he thought it was his own house. Nobody on the face on the planet has ever done anything that brilliant. Rip Torn, we want you to be our grandpa. But, although he has the best celebrity arrest in history, he hasn't got the only celebrity arrest in history. Celebrities literally can't stop getting arrested and, since celebrities are on average 15 times stupider than normal people, their arrests are often quite hilarious. Take a look...
You know, many people were expecting Avatar to be top of the weekend box office until the end of time. After all, it had everything. Guns, explosions, robots, sexy lady aliens with boobs, you name it. However, here's where the people got it wrong - it's only boys who like that stuff. Girls like different things. Girls like sensitive boys and crying and scenes of sensitive boys kissing crying girls on construction sites in rainstorms. And where was all that in Avatar? Nowhere, that's where. And that's why the new weekend box office number one is Dear John, which is either the greatest movie ever made or an awful piece of crap, depending on how many fallopian tubes you own.
If anyone is still playing the 'which member of the Spears family is most troubled' game, we have news. No, it's not about Britney. She hasn't gone bald again or lost all of her knickers. She hasn't got married to a fat dancer or got into a screaming match with a hatstand. She hasn't started dating a paparazzo or written a blog in Esperanto about how she's made of moonbeams and unicorn tears. It's about Jamie Lynn Spears. Apparently Jamie Lynn Spears has split up with the father of her baby and moved onto a new man who's ten years older than her. Which, by our calculations, makes him about 13. Because Jamie Lynn Spears is very young, you see. Get it? Anyone? No?
Do you like magic? We sure do - to this day we still can’t work out how someone is able to steal our nose and wave it around in front of us. How do we breathe when it’s been detached from our face? And how come we can still feel something there? Honestly, we’re always asking questions and never getting answers. In some ways, this makes us feel a little bit closer to Michael Jackson. We have nose-related issues and so did he. Was it possessed after an African tribe cursed it? Or shall we just blame Dr. Conrad Murray? After all, everyone seems to be baying for his blood. Our landlord even believed us when we said our rent was late because of him. Instead of lying down and taking the world's crap, Dr. Conrad Murray plans to fight back - by getting Michael Jackson to say what a lovely man he is.
Did you see the Super Bowl yesterday? Oh boy, that sure was some game - the way that one team beat another team? Amazing. And the Super Bowl half-time show, where half of The Who sang some songs in a fairly nondescript manner? Wowsers, talk about entertainment. And then there were the Super Bowl adverts, like the one for Dockers where nobody wore trousers, and the one where Toyota hilariously apologised for recalling five million cars because they were potentially lethal. Classic Super Bowl. But the biggest Super Bowl moment probably came with the 15-second commercial for David Letterman's show. Why? Because it reunited Letterman with his arch-enemy Jay Leno, which is a big deal if you like that kind of thing.
Lost season premieres are a mix of feverish anticipation and universal befuddlement. Now, penetrating the heart of the island, we’re going to deconstruct the latest double episode, LA X, with the microscopic precision of the best forum-dwelling underling you can find. To recap: The last season ended on typically unusual grounds - with some of the survivors underground and others inside an ancient Egyptian toe. Still, with Ben getting the grumps with the god-like Jacob, Locke turning out to be an evil doppelganger and Juliet detonating a nuclear bomb, it sent the whole premise in a giant tailspin. So, keeping a sharp mind, we point out the bits you should have been paying attention to in Friday night's new episode:
This week’s good and bad for oh-so-fun February. Folded: Peter Serafinowicz does the iPad (hiccup inducing funny as always) Zoe Saldana (c’mon, they should have at least nominated her) The Wolfman (looks good if nothing else) Innocent smoothies (not cheap0, but healthy and, let’s face it, you get what you pay for) Cobie Smulders (right up there with Sophie Okonedo for the Coolest Name in Acting award) Creased: Feeling stupid for bad-mouthing Avatar after that first trailer came out (good job no-one was listening) Why does deodorant smell really nice ...
Every now and then, something comes along that is so epic and brilliant that it makes us question everything we’ve ever listened to. With Harry And The Potters, we’re sticking our necks out to say that they are one of the most ace bands we’ve come across in a long time. We were a bit sceptical when we heard their band name, but please don’t let this put you off.
