Gossip for grown-ups
Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Look at them. Have you ever seen a couple more obviously in love?
Think carefully before you answer that. Because, should you suggest that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren’t in love, they’ll sue you. They’ll sue you just like they’re suing the News Of The World, which last month reported that Brad and Angelina were on the brink of a split. This means that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are together and happy and that they’ve never been so in love.
That said, we do have our suspicions. Does Angelina Jolie really love Brad Pitt? After all, he has got a beard that makes him look like he rubbed glue onto his face and then performed cunnilingus on a succession of hairy Mongolian pensioners. We’d find it difficult to love someone with a beard like that. That’s all we’re saying.
If you like balls, and you like boxes, and you also like being REALLY SCARED, then we think we've found the game for you. So long as you have quite low expectations about the being really scared thing. It's Werebox - a game about boxes that turn into balls! Spooky! That nonsense premise aside, Werebox is actually a fun little puzzler - you have to transform boxes into balls and back again in order to rid each level of certain-coloured boxes. Which is a terrible description, obviously, but it'll all become ...
You know what the best thing about Dr Conrad Murray's manslaughter charge is? Nobody is happy about it.? The Jackson family? Not happy. They wanted Murray to faces charges of murder following Michael Jackson's death, and think that manslaughter is just a slap on the wrist. Murray? Not happy. He says that he procured the heavy duty anaesthetic that killed Michael Jackson legally, and that he was doing everything he could to wean Michael off it. Us? Also not happy. Because now it means we're going to have more Michael Jackson nonsense shoved down our throat until the end of poxy time. Yeah, thanks a lot for dying Michael Jackson, you big sod.
Usually we have a simple rule when it comes to picking our favourites for the BAFTA Orange Rising Star - go with the prettiest girl. But this year we've decided not to be so superficial. This year we've decided that we want Nicholas Hoult to win the award, because we quite like the fluffy sweater he wears in his new film. So make it so, everyone. Vote for Nicholas Hoult's lovely sweater to win the BAFTA. Do it for us! Video evidence of the lovely sweater in question, plus voting links, after the jump...
Awesome or Off-Puttingis a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. UFOs have been caught on tape an awful lot. A recent survey show's them to be the third most common thing home-recorded - finishing behind home-videos of John Edwards boinking various non-wives, and home-videos of John Edwards smiling behind a basement-desk calling himself 'Mr. President' and signing a whole stack of important looking blank printer paper. Well UFOs have been filmed again - this time swarming all over Acapulco.
First, a clarification - Rip Torn has the best celebrity arrest of all time. The man's a genius. He's untouchable. He's 78 years old and he broke into a bank, holding a loaded gun, because he was so drunk that he thought it was his own house. Nobody on the face on the planet has ever done anything that brilliant. Rip Torn, we want you to be our grandpa. But, although he has the best celebrity arrest in history, he hasn't got the only celebrity arrest in history. Celebrities literally can't stop getting arrested and, since celebrities are on average 15 times stupider than normal people, their arrests are often quite hilarious. Take a look...
You know, many people were expecting Avatar to be top of the weekend box office until the end of time. After all, it had everything. Guns, explosions, robots, sexy lady aliens with boobs, you name it. However, here's where the people got it wrong - it's only boys who like that stuff. Girls like different things. Girls like sensitive boys and crying and scenes of sensitive boys kissing crying girls on construction sites in rainstorms. And where was all that in Avatar? Nowhere, that's where. And that's why the new weekend box office number one is Dear John, which is either the greatest movie ever made or an awful piece of crap, depending on how many fallopian tubes you own.
If anyone is still playing the 'which member of the Spears family is most troubled' game, we have news. No, it's not about Britney. She hasn't gone bald again or lost all of her knickers. She hasn't got married to a fat dancer or got into a screaming match with a hatstand. She hasn't started dating a paparazzo or written a blog in Esperanto about how she's made of moonbeams and unicorn tears. It's about Jamie Lynn Spears. Apparently Jamie Lynn Spears has split up with the father of her baby and moved onto a new man who's ten years older than her. Which, by our calculations, makes him about 13. Because Jamie Lynn Spears is very young, you see. Get it? Anyone? No?
Do you like magic? We sure do - to this day we still can’t work out how someone is able to steal our nose and wave it around in front of us. How do we breathe when it’s been detached from our face? And how come we can still feel something there? Honestly, we’re always asking questions and never getting answers. In some ways, this makes us feel a little bit closer to Michael Jackson. We have nose-related issues and so did he. Was it possessed after an African tribe cursed it? Or shall we just blame Dr. Conrad Murray? After all, everyone seems to be baying for his blood. Our landlord even believed us when we said our rent was late because of him. Instead of lying down and taking the world's crap, Dr. Conrad Murray plans to fight back - by getting Michael Jackson to say what a lovely man he is.
