Gossip for grown-ups
Most normal people eat chips, pies, kebabs and crisps as part of their diet.
But we’re beginning to think that former boob model Jordan uses money as a food source. At every given opportunity, she gobbles up as much cash as she can get her hands on. That’s unless she has a fetish for the Queen and just likes to gaze at her on £20 notes all day.
Whatever the case, it looks like Jordan is craving more money – she’s working on her fourth autobiography. Looks like we’ll get to find out what happened between 8am – 11pm on September 19th 2009 in one easy to read, double spaced, 72-font tome.
Hollywood actress Brittany Murphy died towards the end of last year, which was actually really sad news. She played some decent characters and was, in my esteemed opinion as someone who’s reviewed many a film, a good actress. To clarify; by ‘many’ I mean more than one. And by ‘reviewed’ I mean ask questions all the way through so I can say at the end that I didn’t get it or that it was a bit boring. But whatever, we can’t all be Jonathan Ross. Russell Brand’s rectum isn’t big enough for us all to fit in, for a start. Point is, it’s sad, alright?
Eliza Dushku, that sultry sexy lady thing from Dollhouse, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and those posters you’re too old to hang on your wall, has a new film out, Open Graves. Starring Eliza as Erica and Mike Vogal – that bloke who chased the dinosaur around in Cloverfield – as Jason, Open Graves has the two of them playing surfers who stumble upon a deadly board game. Kind of like Jumanji, then, but with more blood and less hairy animals - by which we mean Robin Williams. You can expect plenty of action, suspense, horror and a 99% chance of Eliza walking around in a bikini. To celebrate this wondrous release on DVD and Blu-ray on February 15th, we've got three copies of the DVD to you lucky readers. Details after the jump:
We've long been believers of the old saying "nothing says 'I love you' like pulling a knife on your wife on Christmas day". And we're not alone. It would appear that Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller also live this lesson to the fullest. In fact, we'd even go as far as to say that allegedly pulling a knife on Brooke Mueller and then threatening to have her killed on Christmas day was probably the best thing that Charlie Sheen has ever done. But remember that some of the other things that Charlie Sheen has ever done are Two And A Half Men and getting married to Denise Richards, so that's not really saying a lot. But we digress. Charlie Sheen was formally charged with his alleged attack on Brooke Mueller yesterday, and it's reported that Charlie and Brooke couldn't stop hugging afterwards. Weirdos.
Look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Look at them. Have you ever seen a couple more obviously in love? Think carefully before you answer that. Because, should you suggest that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't in love, they'll sue you. They'll sue you just like they're suing the News Of The World, which last month reported that Brad and Angelina were on the brink of a split. This means that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are together and happy and that they've never been so in love. That said, we do have our suspicions. Does Angelina Jolie really love Brad Pitt? After all, he has got a beard that makes him look like he rubbed glue onto his face and then performed cunnilingus on a succession of hairy Mongolian pensioners. We'd find it difficult to love someone with a beard like that. That's all we're saying.
If you like balls, and you like boxes, and you also like being REALLY SCARED, then we think we've found the game for you. So long as you have quite low expectations about the being really scared thing. It's Werebox - a game about boxes that turn into balls! Spooky! That nonsense premise aside, Werebox is actually a fun little puzzler - you have to transform boxes into balls and back again in order to rid each level of certain-coloured boxes. Which is a terrible description, obviously, but it'll all become ...
You know what the best thing about Dr Conrad Murray's manslaughter charge is? Nobody is happy about it.? The Jackson family? Not happy. They wanted Murray to faces charges of murder following Michael Jackson's death, and think that manslaughter is just a slap on the wrist. Murray? Not happy. He says that he procured the heavy duty anaesthetic that killed Michael Jackson legally, and that he was doing everything he could to wean Michael off it. Us? Also not happy. Because now it means we're going to have more Michael Jackson nonsense shoved down our throat until the end of poxy time. Yeah, thanks a lot for dying Michael Jackson, you big sod.
Usually we have a simple rule when it comes to picking our favourites for the BAFTA Orange Rising Star - go with the prettiest girl. But this year we've decided not to be so superficial. This year we've decided that we want Nicholas Hoult to win the award, because we quite like the fluffy sweater he wears in his new film. So make it so, everyone. Vote for Nicholas Hoult's lovely sweater to win the BAFTA. Do it for us! Video evidence of the lovely sweater in question, plus voting links, after the jump...
Awesome or Off-Puttingis a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, ancient artifacts, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. UFOs have been caught on tape an awful lot. A recent survey show's them to be the third most common thing home-recorded - finishing behind home-videos of John Edwards boinking various non-wives, and home-videos of John Edwards smiling behind a basement-desk calling himself 'Mr. President' and signing a whole stack of important looking blank printer paper. Well UFOs have been filmed again - this time swarming all over Acapulco.
