we're living in a great age for dramatic television. Do you like shows about angsty drug dealers? We've got you covered. Do you like shows about angsty 1920?s politicians? We've got that too. Angsty winter land castle dwellers? Consider yourself satisfied.
Not all of these shows are great though, despite how good they are at tricking you.
Dexter
Dexter used to be awesome. For two years, it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. A serial killer who only kills bad people? How engaging! His inner turmoil will be enough to drive this show as long as it wants to go!
Well, I kind of wish he'd shut the fuck up and quit these soliloquies. And I also think that maybe the supporting cast should have interesting facets past who they're dating at the time. Maybe the seasons should build on each other rather than just having Dexter finish each episode twelve with ?Maybe I have a soul? Maybe I don't? Who can really know??
And then season 6 happened, in which the writers imagined we were all idiots, wrote that on a white board, and then turned it into the theme of an entire year?s worth of episodes. A plot twist that you'd have to be not watching the show to not immediately guess, and a budding sexual tension between a guy and his adopted sister? Was this show executive produced by M. Night Shyamalan and the internet? The former was something that you\’ll find in every writer?s first screenplay and the latter thing usually involves a man in a panda outfit.
The biggest problem with Dexter is that it goes nowhere. Plots never factor into each other because that might just change something and make the characters actually grow. It's so concerned with maintaining this droll status quo that Mitt Romney would ask it to be his running mate.
Weeds
Showtime is great at making you think that what you're watching is the best shit ever. It had me convinced that I could stand four seasons of a young, attractive Henry the 8th, before my DVR asked me why I was recording so many Renaissance fair blow jobs. The only thing Showtime has kept me entertained consistently with is their boxing, because nothing is ever as fresh again and again as two men punching each other until one can't stand.
I like Kevin Nealon about as much as someone can like Kevin Nealon, but it doesn't stop Weeds from being one of the most overrated shows in the past decade. Like Dexter, it takes a concept that you think is really cool at first, and then just ?moves? it in the most boring, tangential direction possible. A show about the problems of a drug dealer could be really awesome, so Weeds just ends up becoming Breaking Bad for Dummies.
Rome
This is one of the two shows on the list that aren't on the air anymore. A lot of people criticize HBO shows for their ?gratuitous sex? and usually I disagree with them, because I do bear responsive genitalia. However, I totally agree with them on Rome, or as I like to think of it, Spartacus: A New Hope.
Rome created a very layered portrayal of life in that time period. Eat. Sleep. Sleep with someone. Fight (maybe). Politics. Sleep with someone. Sleep with someone. That first someone is pissed. Eat.
And, with many planned seasons crammed into the second one, you'd think that it would create a more interesting show in a train wreck sort of way, but Rome fails to satisfy even there. A show about ancient Rome should?ve been great, but it just ends up being the TV equivalent of getting frustrated with your partner and finishing the job yourself.
X-Men: The Animated Series
It had an awesome theme song, full of guitars that you only hear when a virgin woman gives birth to a prophet, but other than that, there wasn?t a lot to enjoy about the early 90?s X-Men cartoon.
I know that you grew up with it, and you feel nostalgic toward it. When you're a child, it's scientifically proven that you don't have good taste in anything. It's not that you can't make a decision, it's that you're just too dumb to see the difference between good things and bad things. So you view flashy colors and a guy with a horned mask and sharp claws and your mind, unable to see that, outside of the
concept of ?X-Men?, everything else on the screen is an abomination, lets you fall in love with it for the rest of your life.
To put things in perspective, this X-Men cartoon told stories in the same way that cheap fireworks go off ? in a multitude of spastic directions, usually disappointing the buyer. They?d try to do storylines like the Phoenix saga, and it's like the story editor explained what he wanted to the staff writers in impenetrable pig Latin.
Shows based on comic books pride themselves on quality action sequences, but since the X-Men animators decided that all of the characters should move like someone was grabbing onto their limbs, every fight sequence is as engaging as watching two sumo wrestlers have a wading race in the deep end of a pool. I've seen more fluid animation in sixteenth century still-life paintings, and have been more entertained by the museum doors.
The Walking Dead
I saw a film critic on Facebook call this show ?the best character development in a dramatic series ever. Seriously?, which is a statement that I could forgive if the number of TV shows that he'd watched in his entire life numbered somewhere between zero and two. The Walking Dead is probably the best zombie program on television right now, which is the highest praise that I can give it.
Taking the comic?s aptitude for long-winded dialogues, separated only by giant ?shock? panels, The Walking Dead is a show so stagnant that your television will grow algae. I have no idea who thought that staying on a single, boring farm for thirteen episodes would be a good idea, but their vote counted above any rational person?s. Thus, we got stuck with characters who couldn't maintain their own stupid traits from episode to episode, and a location that bored youngsters visiting their grandparents a long time ago, coming back to haunt them when they were older.
Zombies are one of the most overused plot devices in entertainment right now, and the people behind The Walking Dead recognize this. Thus, they refuse to use zombies sometimes. I would think that a show based around a viral outbreak would feature more of the undead, but The Walking Dead comes off a zombie show that sometimes manages to remember that it has something to do with zombies. It sucks in an infuriating manner.
?Fight the dead. Fear the living.?
Yeah, Walking Dead. I'll keep that in mind.
Jay says
YES! Thank you. Keep up the good satire good sir.
Robert says
Opinions are like assholes we all have them your just smells more like shit then others. Weeds maybe, XMen i’m not 12 any more so I watch big kid programs. Dexter I agree was odd season 6 but still gave you an amazing story arc. And the Walking Dead are you serious, you must not watch very good TV. Your like Fox lets keep the shitty shows and cancel the ones that have any real story. If its not Cop Drama or Medical shit lets get rid of it. Honestly do your self a favor and watch TV not pretend then call your self a critic.
Blake says
Man, you opened up really witty and clever, I’ve gotta hand it to you. That’s something i’ve never read before, Robert. I have one question for you: have you actually watched the Walking Dead? and I don’t mean the first episode. I mean the stuff that followed. The endless back and forth. People uncertain of things and then going against everything that their characters stood for in the previous episode. no, I think you merely think that the show is good, watch it, black out for forty-something minutes and jerk off to your thoughts about it.
Sophie Jenson says
Weeds was the worst thing I have ever seen…no matter how many people told me it was edgy and funny, deep down I knew…and I feel that time has vindicated me! I also think what you said about Walking Dead is spot on
Paterick says
Yea…The Walking Dead got iffy the last couple episodes of season 1, but then season 2 was just painful. That damn farm. That terrible writing. Lori and Carl…goddamn Lori and Carl.
It’s like they actively wanted you to hate everyone in the cast. Stopping and staying in one place is alright for some shows. You get a chance to breathe, let the characters really show their personalities, define themselves and give you new appreciations/make you care more for when the dying starts happening again. Instead they showed how hollow and annoying their actors could come off, and how incompetent and dissonant their writers were. It got so bad that (outside of Maggie and Glenn who are on a different, better show aka season 1 of TWD) I was rooting for Shane, because he was the only consistently defined and well enough acted and written character on the show that mattered.
They finally picked up near the end of the season, but only because things were happening and money was being spent to make them happen…not because the show was suddenly getting better written or acted.
see: Lori Grimes
They can get by Prison Break style, by just going big, killing people at every turn, bringing in new bad guys every other day and not dwelling too long, but even Prison Break’s first season is better written and acted than The Walking Dead now.
But it’s zombies…at the end of the day I’ll watch every episode, because I’m a sucker for damn zombies and they know it.
Al From Maine says
I really don’t know most of the shows you mentioned but I do know The Walking Dead. Say what you want I like it. This last season with the Governor was a hoot, looking forward to the fall.
Nadu says
I agree with everything except the Walking Dead. It actually took quite alot of convincing for me to even watch it. The very idea of zombies sounds retarded from the onset. If the world did go to sh*ts with flesh eating dead people, there would be moments of nothingness and then all hell breaks loose. Yes, it’s great character development. Nothing is black and white and at any given moment, you’ll have to do something you really don’t want to do. It’s about survival, not zombies….or else it would be about zombies–boring!!
simon says
aint you a slice of fucking sunshine…
i see your point about everything you said, except the Walking Dead… I’m sorry but making the show seem like a piece of shit, that has no quality which is a cable show no less that averages 13 million viewers a week is pushing the boat a little bit. And above all else, its insulting to your fans who – most of which – enjoy the Walking Dead no doubt.
Meh, y’know what you go, create a show and email me when its on air… you have so many opinions about what makes a bad show so bad, then you should have no problems making a good show of your own. right?
koji says
Compared to the cartoon drivel that actually gets put on the air these days, X-men of the 90’s (just watch the horrendous Xmen Evolution for comparison) is like the Sopranos.
Maggie says
Yes, because mass popularity is a sign of quality….
celestine says
even though you have a good point of not liking particular shows and you have causes not to i disagree with you me i have never watched any of those shows yet i don’t believe they suck and what you said is your opinion but these shows have a lot of fans so if they sucked as you say wouldn’t they be cancelled by now and besides it’s really not cool to diss other people’s shows fans hate that
Fonix says
Dexter – Can’t say much because I never watched it.
Weeds – I would make the same argument for it that you made about Dexter. It was good early on, but then it just kept going.
Rome – See Dexter
X-Men – It was great when I was a kid. There were other cartoons I chose not to watch. Of course as an adult it sucks, especially since we’ve probably read the comic books as a result. It was also restricted by a lot of Fox’s animation rules at the time, which is why the only time Wolverine was ever really useful was when they fought robots. However, for the market it was attempting to reach, children, it was fine.
The Walking Dead – This just sounds like you watched a few episodes, didn’t like it, and decided to bitch about it. The show has consistently gotten better with each season.
Sean says
Rome was always good, Weeds was pretty lame, don’t watch Dexter or Walking Dead. X-MEN, seriously braj, how effing dare you bad-mouth this show. It cnvincing condenses 30 years of X-Men comics into like a maybe 5 or six season cartoon, and it kills it! Sure the animation is dated, but no more so than Batman or Superman, TAS’s. Who cares, it’s passable animation and you watch this for the story. Since the those three shows, as wells as the awesome Spiderman cartoon from the same era, nothing has come close to re-creating the comics until the too-soon-cancelled Avengers:Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.(Which might be the best with only two seasons of powerhouse comic action.
Mike says
I couldnt agree more with you. I get into arguments all the time with friends because they all defend these terrible lame shows. Its good to know someone else out there has a brain
Kevin Miller says
You sir, are an idiot.
Gillian O'Meagher says
Ah, The Walking Dead. I watched three episodes for my blog… So. Many. Terrible. Elements.
ie when he woke up to discover there had been a zombie apocalypse, the camera showed us perfectly manicured grass. I doubt the survivors managed to mow, so I guess the Undead like to garden?
Steve says
At first I liked The Walking Dead. Sofia coming out of the barn took me by surprise. Apparently I was the only one, because all everyone said was, “Yea, I knew that was going to happen.” Right! Shane was the best character. He was consistent and there was no debate with him on what had to be done. Rick Grimes is weak. Thank God Lori died. Andrea should have shot herself in the first episode. And this governor character, TOTALLY PREDICTABLE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. BEEN THERE DONE THAT 1000 TIMES. Typical evil bad guy who is invincible against everything, bullets, zombies, plots and so on. They think his character is do great they let him live, which means he’s coming back. But I’m not concerned. I won’t be watching.
Bobby says
Sigh…
Guano says
I agree with this list. I tried watching Walking Dead back in the day. It’s a pretty dull and overrated mess, to say at least. The zombies are nicely made though,
Also, I miss Breaking Bad, that show was awesome.
Kitty says
Is your name really Maggie? That’s ironic.
Marco says
First 3 seasons of Weeds really are stellar, took a seriously nose dive in season 4 and is a complete disaster thereafter
James Jones - Yale Basketball Coach says
I totally agree with your point about The Walking Dead and any AMC Show ever, for that matter. Except that the Walking Dead thinks its the greatest thing ever, and that its characters are the greatest thing ever. the people at AMC are geniuses, because much like in Breaking Bad, they avoid any real plot development until the end of the show, and just have prolonged shots of people doing menial tasks like farming or cooking. and oh yea, there are some Zombies on the fences, but they’re no problem. Season 4 of the walking dead can be summed up as such: Group lets Woodbury residents into prison: A flue breaks out: A riot occurs: People leave prison. Simple. done. No originality. And those emails and the story sync. ugh, gimme a damn break!
abhishek lodha says
Breaking bad is not in list… good…
accordingtoyourfuckingmother says
I’ve never seen Rome or Dexter. Weeds was pretty good for two seasons, then I lost interest. Season 1 of The Walking Dead was great, season 2 was dragging, boring, pointless. After the mid-season finale of season 3, I just couldn’t do it any more. I’ve seen a few episodes of 4 and it still sucks. X-men was and still is awesome.
BongedUp says
Dude… Suck dick. Weeds is the coolest…not best. COOLEST fucking show ever made. It’s just as entertaining as Cheech and Chong, Pineapple Express, What happens in vegas and probably any other weed oriented film/series ever made. So go smoke a bong and get into it. You’re boring for saying it’s overrated./ The only thing overrated is this article. PS: X-Men sucks, doesnt matter if it’s a comic book, movie or animation series. Iz just bad
Dave says
While I agree that The Walking Dead is kind of awful, I disagree that they dont use “Zombies” enough, For me TWD would be better if they could fill episodes with human drama and character development added with the odd bit of “Oh look a zombie…ruuuun” instead of 2 minutes of drama, and character development added with 40 minutes of tensionless, ridiculous running away from zombies or “Walkers” that frankly are as scary and menacing as Barney the big purple dinosaur.
Robb Hodges of Hodges says
^ Get a load of this “BongedUp” retard! Hehee~
jess says
Nothing’s good on television…EVER !
So let’s just watch porn everyday.
Jared Williss says
It amazes me when people like.this guy fancy themselves legitimate critics. Yes, Dexter had a couple of off seasons, but this dolt seems to forget how amazing season four was. The addition of.John Lithgow was one of the best casting decisions in the history of television. He and michael c hall had such a dynamic chemistry that that alone made the seanson great. But with Lithgow’s performance and the storyline of serial killer stalking serial Killer not only made it the best season of the show,.but one of the all-time best single season’s of any tv show in the last thirty years. As far as the Walking Dead, you clearly are incapable of enjoying nuance story telling and character development. If you want a show that has all action no story development, i suggest you start watching any of the shit cop shows that are on every single night. Fucking hack.