Let’s be honest, most award shows are pretty typical and boring. It’s all PC jokes that barely scratch the insult surface, which I make my bread and butter on, and the award winners are rarely a surprise. But if you look hard enough, in every show there are bright moments that are worth talking about.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes this year for the second time, and between their humor and a few unscripted moments from other celebrities, there were actually quite a few amusing moments. I narrowed them down to my personal 5 favorites, which doesn’t mean they were the funniest or the best. Just the 5 I didn’t hate the idea of writing about.
1) The Opening Monologue
To start it off, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler had to do the traditional opening monologue, in which they mention a lot of the front running films and actors/actresses. Within the speech, there are also usually a few quips aimed at some people, most of which deserve only a minimal chuckle. This year, however, there were a few real zingers that made the whole damn thing for me.
Talk about hitting the nail on the bearding head with the Clooney comment, eh?
2) Fey and Poehler throwing some massive shade at annoying Princess of Faux Country Stalker Tunes, Ms. Taylor Swift.
Last year, Tina and Amy made a harmless (but so freaking true) joke that Taylor Swift needed to stop dating so much and take a chill pill. Oh, and to stay away from Michael J Fox’s son, because writing a mean song about Alex P Keaton’s boy would be blasphemy. Swift, being the type of girl to dish it out in song lyrics but unable to take any negativity her way, made sure the stick was firmly stuck up her ass when she did an interview with Vanity Fair after and said that “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'”
So this year, Fey and Poehler made it onto my list of Christmas card recipients when Tina said the following after Amy won a Golden Globe of her own.
“I just want to say congratulations again to my friend, Amy Poehler! I love you, and there’s a special place in hell for you.”
If hell is where these bitches are going, I call shot gun to the fun party.
3) Mocking Leonardo DiCaprio’s obsession with skeleton pussy
Everyone knows that DiCaprio likes to surround himself with Victoria Secret models, sometimes even the married ones (Yup, looking at you Miranda). But to be so bold as to call him out on it, while using the word “vagina” on national television?
Well played, ladies.
4) Emma “I am too Britishly cool for this shit” Thompson
Nothing warms my heart more than a lady who loves her cocktails and gives no shits about who knows it. I feel like when you are British, you are automatically classier than almost any American, so getting schwasted at an awards show is nothing shame worthy. When you reverse the “er” at the end of words, you are allowed to slur up a storm in my book.
And you have got to love a broad that chucks a pair of Louboutins like she them from the sale rack at Payless. Red bottoms or not, if your feet hurt and the vodka is telling you to let your little piggies run free, you listen to Mr. Goose.
5) Mia and Ronan Farrow and their awesome Tweeting
Woody Allen won some sort of Lifetime achievement award that he couldn’t be bothered to show up for and accept. Diane Keaton accepted in his honor and did some boring overly long speech about how awesome Allen is, and blah blah blah. Let’s be honest, I don’t care about that. Allen’s movies by and large are unfunny to me, and he looks like the creepy neighbor who lives in the downstairs apartment and watches you through the blinds.
What was awesome though were the Tweets his ex wife, Mia, and their son Ronan sent out during the show. Mia started it off with this lovely timed Tweet just as the award was being presented.
Time to grab some icecream & switch over to #GIRLS
— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) January 13, 2014
But it was really Ronan who took the motherfucking cake with the following little nugget of awesomeness.
Missed the Woody Allen tribute – did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?
— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 13, 2014
I don’t know if you follow Ronan’s Twitter, but I feel like people should because homeboy just lets his bitch flag fly and it’s amazing. Plus, there is a SERIOUSLY good chance he is the son of Frank Sinatra, and not pedobear leader Woody Allen, as seen by his progressive hotness and blue eyes.
And those was the best moments from the Golden Globes as decided by me, because my opinions are more like facts.