300 Roars & Stabs Head Off The Weekend Box Office
From a purely scientific point of view, 300 is a film that has something for everyone – provided that everyone enjoys endless scenes of grubby men shouting and murdering each other in bloodthirsty ways, of course, and we all know that everybody does.
It's this sense of mass family appeal that has pushed 300 to the top of the weekend box office with a gigantic total of $70 million. 300 – a movie about 300 Spartan going on a lovely picnic in Persia and then having a bit of a swim before going home for pink wafers and fizzy pop – has already gained the highest opening weekend box office gross of the year, setting the wheels in motion for a 300 sequel called 301, where Julia Roberts joins warrior king Leonidas in an effort to steal even more money from Andy Garcia in another ingenious casino heist.
The weekend box office success of 300 has already taught us a lot. For example, we can see that the moviegoing audience isn't afraid to see to see a highly stylised reproduction of a number of violent murders, while even the most boneheaded observer of cinema can guess that the way 300 has set the box office on fire will spawn all manner of opportunistic rip-offs in the coming two years. Finally, 300's box office gross has taught us that America sure does have a lot of latent homosexuals living in it. Here's the US weekend box office top five…
1 - 300 (Anyone who wants to know how the Spartan army got in such murderous shape ahead of the battle of Thermopylae needs to play that Spartan game we featured here a couple of weeks ago. It was all in the arrow keys, apparently) $70,025,000
2 – Wild Hogs (The film that is still spawning "OK, one bullet: Travolta, Allen or Lawrence?" conversations around the globe) $28,021,000
3 – Bridge To Terabithia (Terabithia? Thermopylae? Can someone start making films with words we can actually effing pronounce please?) $6,865,000
4 - Ghost Rider (Never have we been more pleased that Eva Mendes didn't become a nun, since Ghost Rider would have undoubtedly been a lesser movie had the Identikit Token Bimbo role gone to another identikit token bimbo) $6,800,000
5 - Zodiac (Exactly like 300, but instead of 300 shiny-fleshed white soldiers stabbing thousands of brown soldiers, Zodiac features Mystic Meg, Russell Grant and Jonathan Cainer stabbing thousands of… no, actually we don't know where we're going with this one either) $6,773,000
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