Because hecklerspray is growing quicker then an obese child in a chip show, people are beginning to be kind to us and other us stuff for free which is always a plus in our books. Sometimes we also get invited to watch stuff which isn’t even out!

This week we weren’t quite whisked off in a limo to a glitzy premiere, but instead to a screening in a rough-looking cinema with other journalists who didn’t take kindly to us immaturely flicking popcorn at them. As you’ll know, 300 is currently riding high at the top of the US box office and has done so since its release. The same is expected here in the UK now it's finally out over here. But is it worth the hype?

Sometimes writing a review for a film can be a little bit tricky as revealing to much of the plot can bugger it up for everyone. But after watching the epic two-hour 300 we can safely say um… what plot?

All you need to know about watching this film is that it’s about an army of 300 men – funnily enough – who decide to go and have lots of fights with other armies after disobeying orders not to do so. Because 300's plot is paper-thin it needs something to salvage it from being a total hyped-up pile of toss, and it does have a saviour. Visually, 300 is a masterpiece with the poor saps on the CGI department probably wanting to commit suicide after tackling the mammoth challenge of creating lush landscapes full of marching men creating havoc and mass carnage.  

The film is over two hours long. Bear that in mind before considering going down to watch it. The main body of action doesn’t really get going for at least 45 minutes, so if you've drunk too much of your super-sized cup of Coke, you'll need to time it right to empty your bladder before getting to what this film is all about – pointless, gory violence. Ideally, 300 is not the best film to take a prospective girlfriend to see but, who knows, she may have a secret violent streak you never knew about. Either that or you’ll be dragged to see some poncey Hugh Grant film where there’s no explosions, murders or anything exciting. 

We all know what most of the film is about – fights, and 300 is full of them. Initially it's extremely interesting watching men pound the shit out of each other with a variety of weapons. But after an hour, watching the millionth guy losing his head gets a bit old. Other weird things we’ve noticed is the amount of blood spilt. We imagine that if someone shoves a razor-sharp sword through your gut or fires a few arrows into your chest you’d bleed quite heavily. Strangely, the amount of blood lost in 300 is minimal. We can only put this down to a secondary Spartan army – made of schlepps not deemed good enough to fight -  who are employed to mop up any spillages to prevent any blood-related disease from spreading. Considerate or what? 

The director Zack Synder must have been drawing influences from The Matrix while editing the battle scenes. Remember how The Matrix was revolutionary for slowing down and then speeding up the action? Well the 300 battle scenes are done in the same fashion but much more annoying. Why we can’t have smooth-flowing movements is questionable and adds to the ongoing argument about how visuals are used over character development and plot in order to create the film's success. 

To summarise, 300 has elements to appeal for both sexes. Ladies! 300 is a great way for you to look at ripped muscular blokes and then wonder why your other half is a fat lazy slob. Blokes! There’s never been a more ideal chance to see lots of random violence in a film. Such highlights include decapitations, stabbings, torture and stampings. Oh, and you get to see boobs! 

The trailers of 300 sell the film as an epic battle movie that appears to combine phone-throwing Russell Crowe’s Gladiator and the visual aspects of Lord Of The Rings. While 300 will be seen as one of the better films of 2007 – and yes, we know there’s nine more months of the year – it does feel longwinded and drawn out in places. But we still believe you should go and see it, as it one of the better films out at the moment. 

One other word of advice! 300 has to be watched in a decent-sized cinema to truly appreciate the work that has been obviously put in to it. Anyone who gets a dodgy copy at the local car boot sale will not gain the same experience as someone who sits in massive cinema screen with all the fancy surround sound. Hearing the ripping of human flesh through surround sound is much more satisfying then on your crappy 20-inch TV.