Ice Age: The Meltdown Turns US Weekend Box Office Into Damp Mush

Now and again we see a US weekend box office chart so stunningly packed with high quality entertainment that we can’t help but to hold it up and display it for generations to come as a golden exhibit of what US weekend box office charts can be.

Yeah, well, you won’t be getting one those US weekend box office charts after this weekend; Ice Age: The Meltdown - as film about, from what we’ve seen, a weasel chasing a fucking acorn around for two hours - continues to sit pretty on top of the US weekend box office, beating off a girly flick about dancing and another godawful Rob Schneider movie.

Ice Age: The Meltdown is top of the US weekend box office for the second week on the trot. Sure, the weekend box office gross for Ice Age: The Meltdown was half of what it was last week, but since the US weekend box office competition includes a movie about doddery old Antonio Banderas trying to do a bit of a dance and a Rob Schneider film so bad that critics weren’t allowed to see it, the box office success of Ice Age: The Meltdown was always going to be a given.

Before we continue, it’s worth pointing out that Basic Instinct 2’s time in the US weekend box office chart is over and done with after just one week. We’re going to start hanging relief models of Sharon Stone’s bare vagina on our front door as a thief deterrent, seeing as how it’s so harrowingly unpopular at the moment. Here’s the US weekend box office top five:

1 - Ice Age: The Meltdown (Not too sure why Ice Age: The Meltdown has done so stupendously well at the weekend box office two weeks running, although we wouldn’t mind betting that most people are going to see it to convince Ray Romano that he has a movie career and that he really, really doesn’t need to think about an Everybody Loves Ray reunion series) $34,500,000

2 - The Benchwarmers (Now, we’re under the impression that Rob Scheider personally writes to people who openly dislike his films. Leaving aside the point that there can’t be enough ink in the world for him to do this, we’d like to say: Hey Rob, even though we haven’t seen The Benchwarmers, we think it’s a big bunch of rubbish arse! Please write) $20,500,000

3 - Take The Lead (Here’s a film we never want to see, as we generally hate films that contain any of the following: dancing, a volunteer, the phrase ‘based on real events’, the phrase ’starring Antonio Banderas’. And Take The Lead contains the bleeding lot) $12,775,000

4 -Inside Man (It looks like Inside Man has got a weekend box office season ticket - it’s still managing to stay in the weekend box office after all these weeks. And we’re running out of stuff to say about it, so let’s just acknowledge that the bank manager was stashing Nazi gold and be done with it, OK) $9,174,000

5 - Lucky Number Slevin (Sometimes we feel sorry for Americans. After all, they’re just beginning to realise what a useless Tarantino rip-off Lucky Number Slevin is, when we natty Brits have known for weeks and weeks) $7,130,000

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