There are several dreadful things that could happen 2006 – war, genocide, famine – but surely nothing could compare to the awfulness of a soap actor or actress having a number one single.

There’s something that compels people in soap operas to sing, to show the world that there’s more to them than playing a stupid-haired mechanic on the telly by sing a crap song really badly. Think we’re overstating the severity of a soapstar’s singing career? Two words for you: Adam Rickett.

So today, we’re seeing out our 2005 betting odds with a look at the chances that any of the current casts of Eastenders, Coronation Street or Neighbours have of getting a Number One record before January 1st 2007.

Here’s part three of our 2006 music betting odds, with help from SportingOdds.com…

Current Eastenders Cast Member – The cast of Eastenders have, in the past, had a chequered history when it comes to releasing singles. Michelle ‘Cindy Beale’ Collins released a messy version of the theme-tune to forgotten drama Sunburn (Number 28, 1999), lovely old Letitia ‘Sharon Watts’ Dean had a song called Something Outa Nothing (number 12, 1986) and Anita ‘Angie Watts’ Dobson retooled the Eastenders theme-tune into Anyone Can Fall in Love (Number 4, 1986).

Then there was Sean ‘Aiden Brosnan’ Maguire, who released eight singles between 1994 and 1997 – none of them reaching the top ten. And Michelle Gayle and Sid Owen. In fact, the only Eastenders to get a Number One are Martine McCutcheon (Perfect Moment) and Nick Berry (Every Loser Wins). What of the current cast? Can you imagine Kat Slater at Number One? Or that dirty man that can’t read? Maybe Letitia Dean will have another crack. All we can say is Oh God No. Current 2006 Number One odds – 16/1

Current Coronation Street Cast Member – Historically, no other soap opera in history has spawned so many completely dreadful singles as Coronation Street. There was Bill ‘Jack Duckworth’ Tarmey, who once roared Wind Beneath My Wings like a wounded buffalo. Or Tracy ‘Maxine Peacock’ Shaw, who released Happenin’ All Over Again to universal apathy. Or Adam ‘Nicky Platt’ Rickett, whose I Breathe Again single would have been the worst thing we have ever heard, if it weren’t for…

Matthew ‘Chris Collins’ Marsden, who somehow managed to rope Destiny’s Child into singing backing vocals for his abysmal She’s Gone single. Are the current Coronation Street cast any more likely to get a number one this year? Maybe that Norris man could release a lovely song, or perhaps that goth boy could cover Clones by Fuckhead. Current 2006 Number One odds – 14/1

Current Neighbours Cast Member - Never ever underestimate the chances of a Neighbours cast member having hit singles. There’s been Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan, Holly Valance, Natalie Imbruglia, Delta Goodrem…

Craig McLachlan, um, Stefan Dennis… OK, that’s probably all of them. Our point is that there’s always some hot young thing desperate to leave rubbishy old Neighbours, fly to England, get a Number One and then complain about England, go back to Australia and be forgotten forever. Just watch Neighbours any one of them could get a Number One. Even Dr Karl. Especially Dr Karl. Current 2006 Number One odds – 8/1

And so hecklerspray finishes its 2005 betting odds as it started them – indiscriminately slagging off all around it. Don’t forget to keep checking the Specials section of SportingOdds.com for some great odds on some genius markets. And bet! It’s why Baby Jesus was born, you know. See you next year…

[story by Stuart Heritage]