Let’s start with the good news, shall we: The entire cast of dire TV twaddle Skins are to be made redundant! Yeah! No more undeveloped twatty stereotypes with better hair than you!
That would be so sweet if it weren't for the bad news.
The twatty stereotypical undeveloped characters are to be replaced by twattier further stereotyped undeveloped characters with even better hair. Fuck. The good news isn’t quite so good anymore, is it? Pretend you haven’t read this bit. Delete it from your brains. It hasn’t happened.
Still reading? More fool you. It gets worse:
After beginning nationwide open auditions recently and announcing that they’re on the look-out for an “Eastern European male and identical twin sisters,” executive producer Bryan Elson confirmed that all current characters will be axed.
This probably means The Cheeky Girls are going to be in the new series saying excellent dialogue such as:
“Towny, why you’re cock not werk?”
“Ow fyuck my pyeriod is own. I bleed downstaars. Dis is sow like reeall lif. Let's dance for no reason.”
The rumours are true, the head of Channel Four is definitely a peanut. Unsalted. With no sense of reality. Obviously. Peanuts don’t have that generally. We’re just clarifying in case anyone from Channel Four is reading. Hi people from Channel Four! You’re dead good at telly! That would be so true if it weren’t false. So close.
The horrible news is that Bono is still alive.