A classic if there ever was one, this autobiographical tale on the transition from silent movies to talkies is notable for two things: Donald O’ Connor running up the wall (which, even by today’s standards, is very, very impressive) and the infamous Gene Kelly performing the title song in the rain with a 103 degree fever. The pansy. Just imagine what he could have accomplished if he’d stayed in bed for a few days.

Now, because of his selfishness, we have to make do with this second-rate dance number. Pathetic. Anyway, here are the 10 things we can learn from Singin’ In The Rain…

1. Like any musical, it never seems strange when someone breaks into
song, accompanied by an entire orchestra that nobody can actually see.

2. Gene Kelly can dance. Well, we knew that already, but we didn’t
know he could break-dance. No, wait, that was in that sacrilegious advert…

3. Make ‘em Laugh sounds an awful lot like Be a Clown. Or is it the other way round?

4. Singing in the rain is not really recommended. You’ll end up with
a chill, and could catch pneumonia. And you get water in your mouth,
too. And splashed by cars…

5. Hollywood studios are fun, vivacious places where nothing ever
goes wrong. Or if it does, it can be fixed in time for the grand
finale. Unlike computers.

6. It’s okay to laugh at women who have silly voices and cannot act. Insert here the name of appropriate current star…

7. Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces.
Big people have little humour, and little people have no humour at all.
We feel sorry for all the fat midgets out there…

8. Donald O’ Connor was the other one.

9. Ernie Wise did do it "just that little bit better"…

10. Um… we can’t think of a tenth. Sorry.

Well, that was a slog, wasn’t it? We apologise for the lack of
educational lessons this week’s list offers. We’ll try better next
week. Honest…

[story by James Hickey]