With a Licence to Kill and a pithy one-liner ever present, the world’s most famous secret spy has much wisdom to impart on us mere mortals. At least, that’s what we assume — it’s not like they make these movies just for the sheer fun of it, eh?
Bearing that in mind, here are the ten things we can learn from James Bond…
1. Life as a spy is all glamour – women, alcohol, jetting around
the globe for two hours before finally thwarting the enemy in the last
ten minutes. Actual work is minimal.
2. Avoid bald men who have an affinity for white cats.
3. It is fun to blow things up. And kill people with ridiculous gadgets that wouldn’t work in real life. Invisible cars indeed…
4. Over forty years, Bond has not aged a day. He looks good for a 75 year old.
5. Larger-than-life villains just don’t get the hint… it’s much easier to shoot someone than slowly lower them into a tank of sharks.
6. All women have either really rude names, or just plain stupid
ones (seriously, Jinx? Just because she was born on Friday the 13th?
Thank goodness she wasn’t born on February 29th.)
7. There is always a long, drawn-out missile/nuclear countdown of
some kind thwarted at the last second. And we’ll be jiggered if a
second in Bond’s world is longer than a second in our world.
8. It’s still inexplicably possible to be a good spy if everyone in the world knows who you are.
9. Sleeping with as many women as possible doesn’t result in any
kind of sexual consequences, or junior James Bonds for that matter.
Perhaps Bond is sterile?
10. Don’t pay your taxes when Bond comes to town.
And now the quintessential question: who is the best Bond? Maybe
Connery? Brosnan? Moore? Or what about Bob Holness? He wasn’t bad, was
he? Yes, he played Bond. In the fifties. On radio. Yes, he did! Don’t
make us come round there…
[story by James Hickey]
