Ever since the release of Grand Theft Auto 3 people have been asking when the multi-million selling Rockstar North title will head to London.
However, there would be a lot of problems with London being the backdrop for one of the most expansive and controversial games of all time. And, yes, we know the original Grand Theft Auto had a London 1969 mission pack – but we’re talking new, not top-down GTA and modern-day London.
Here are hecklerspray’s top 10 reasons why GTA London would never work:
10 – Rockstar North
Rockstar North is a Scottish company. This is the same country that sells ‘Anyone But England’ T-shirts. Are they really going to set their top selling title in an English city? No.
9 – Boris Johnson
The new-style GTA games all feature a political figure of some sort. Imagine having to listen to this floppy haired buffoon as he tells you to, “ruddy well sort out that ruffian!”
8 – The Daily Mail
Could you imagine what the Mail would have to say about a GTA London game? My guess is ‘New Liberal Game Results In Immigrant Teen Pregnancies’.
7 – Transportation
Public transportation has always been a way of travelling across the game map in a short space of time. GTA London would have to feature engineering works and make you top up your oyster card every time you wanted to travel. Plus at some point you’d be expected to drive one of the godforsaken bendy buses.
6 – The Congestion Charge
Every mission costs you £20 and if you forget to pay it your wanted level goes up at the end of the day, without any warning.
5 – Cyclists
They’ll be even more annoying than they are in real life, if that is even possible. Every turn you make will result in the death of a cyclist, causing your wanted level to go up.
4 – Traffic Calming Measures
Speed cameras, speed bumps and traffic jams – three things London is renowned for. Would it even be worth stealing a car in Grand Theft Auto if you couldn’t actually go 10 yards without hitting a traffic jam, snapping the suspension or being gatso’d?
3 – Weapons
In order to accurately reflect London life GTA London would have to feature a distinctive range of knives: lock knives, butterfly knives, samurai swords etc. Guns would obviously only be available in Hackney.
2 – The Police
They don’t have guns. What are they going to do when they come to arrest you? How do you know whether or not they’re an actual police officer or one of those PCSO things that can’t actually do anything?
1 – Londoners
Crime wouldn’t even register on a Londoner’s radar unless they were the victims, or they read the Daily Mail and are now afraid to go outside. Your character will be shoved, abused and hunted by marauding teenagers wielding baseball bats when the sun goes down while everyone just walks past with their heads buried in a copy of the Evening Standard. The game would play more like a survival horror than a sandbox game.
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{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
any real suggestios?
Wow, what a terrible list
about #10 Especially
Are you insane? don’t generalise an entire county and its companies you morons, You are implying that Rockstar North have something against England, believe me, they would not agree.
I am half Scottish myself, with my Grandparents being Scotts who came down from Scottland to live in England, they where very proud Scottish people but loved England.
Pathetic list, pathetic excuse for a website, won’t be coming back here again.
dude shut the hell up…it would be lame to to gta london again..so eat a penis
stupid guyy, this list is crap if any of you actually ever lived in london you would realise there’s north,east,west an south with massive area’s inside them, just because all along the thames there’s traffic and in main london but wow the only valid point you made throughout the entire thing is british police dont have guns :L our metropolitan police dont have gun’s but every arm’s responce unit has machine gun’s…. it would be hard to adapt gta to london but i think it would be the best one yet.
and rockstar north dont sell the t shirts to england because it would be a crap market where they would lose money because nobody would walk around wearing one?
You may wish to see a doctor about the sense of humour you’ve misplaced.
The original GTA had expansions, one that took place in London, called GTA: London 1969. Well there goes your “Rockstar hates England” theory you ass.
That’s in the story, you ass. Try reading for a change
This article was hilarious, I loved reason #1.
Sparked visuals of a Kubrick’s Clockwork Orangesque gta world…
big lawlz. Good article.
The only good reason is #2, the rest are all completely idiotic. Is this article attmepting to be funny or something?
This was a rubbish list. point no. 10 doesnt make sense because as you stated gta london was made before,
so you are contradicting yourself
Also i am scottish and i would love the idea of GTA LONDON
LMAO that was funny. Even funnier is Ali having his period in here lol.
#11: The Getaway.
GTA: World
Fly to what ever country you want. Live the dream in America, fight local gangs in China, go to Russia and get laid.
@ John Lock
Not before you will have to wait 48 hours for the map to fully load
Doesn’t seem like good reasons, there’s a lot to offer and I agree with above comment, I am Scottish and I do not dislike England. As far as I’m concerned we are the same country I’m proud to be British, then of course I’m proud to be Scottish but I see myself more as British. I would actually like to also see a GTA set in or based off of Glasgow.
Oh god this made me laugh so hard. I don’t know why but the “ruddy well sort out that ruffian!” made me laugh so hard I quieted the lobby of the hotel I work at.
The idea of GTA set in Glasgow? Would never work, probably why it hasn’t been done already. Reasons – much the same as why it wouldn’t work in London.
A challenge for you all.
Add some of your own reasons, I want to hear why you don’t think GTA: London would work.
GO!
Well it is a fictional game so it wouldn’t be the real London, would it?
GTA London would be an awesome game! I’m not sure if it’s because I’m from Wimbledon and I don’t like tennis but I want to see a mission when you sabbotage the tennis!
Assassinating a player on centre court during a game?
RE: 10
You forgot that, to be authentic, all the drunken London winos
(of which there are many), would have to have Scottish accents.
Any real reasons why it would not then ? Number 10, well, I will leave you to think why it is a stupid suggestion.
Gta london would b the worst gta evr
who says it has to be present day? They’ve basically just been remaking the 2d games as 3d versions, splitting up GTA 1 into three seperate games for each city. So why wouldn’t GTA london just be the mission packs turned into a full game? Setting it in the 1960′s would resolve all the above problems. Apart from maybe the Daily Mail one.
this england v scotland is bullshit its just a group of fuckers that have created a stereotype. obviously they wouldnt implant traffic jams into the game, speed bumps wouldnt break yoursuspension just like jumping off a skyscraper doesnt on gta 4, cyclists wouldnt exist just like they dont in gta 4 and if they did you would be able to ride bikes again!! the only bad thing i can see is the fact there isnt any proper open roads that you can go full speed down, however there hasnt been any of them since san andreas
I think that these reasons were quite funny.. like the knife one in particular. It’s a myth that police do not carry guns in London. Wake up, and open your eyes mate. Also I think that the music would be amazing with over 100 pirate radio stations along side the main legal ones. 250 gangs.. erm.. lots to do. The teens would just be a side activity for extra fun. Never thought of a guy richie plot??? maybe??? A little british wit and humour could make the game even better.
Blimey! I could think of a list of 100 things that having the next GTA set in London would bring to the gameplay. I’ll start with a few to be short:
1. Radio Stations and varied music.
2. 250 gangs
3. Modified ford escort cosworths, bentleys and RR
4. Clubs with short skirt up for a shag birds, great music and MDMA influenced crowd
5. Guy Richie movie type scenarios.
6. Football matches with hooligan outbreaks
7. Creative weaponry
8. Corrupt police
9. Great scenery
10. What if the Queen was the biggest gangster of the lot????
I’ll leave you with those to think about, and maybe post up some more spontaneous ideas that would make GTA:London the best destination for the upcoming game.
What a laugh!
this blog thing is about puting your ideas about why it is a bad idea but most people love it!
i like the idea 2. i was born in london, 1/2 family from scotland and now live in new zealand.
maybe the character could be forced out of london into scotland.
they could also bring in the aston martin so it would look right at home.
there are 169 big gangs identified by police:
http://www.google.co.nz/#hl=en&safe=off&biw=1117&bih=688&q=name+of+big+london+gangs&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=7311ba58eebe779c
oh and whoever started this needs to realise that ITS A GAME, its not real. you dont think san fiero is a real plase, and i dont think they have that little amount of cars anywhere. not even in new zealand. especialy america.
really boris johnson,congestion charge , daily mail and oyster cards , why would the mayor be on it ,i’ve never seen the president on liberty or vice or san andreas, cyclists are on san andreas and these arn’t reason these seem to be stupid veiws and it seems yu don’t like england but we can all say only americans like the usa
i agree with alex narten the one bout the queen bein a gangsta is awesome. she could give u ur last mission
GTA London would be spiffing! Haw haw!
I guess this is more humor than fact and almost makes me want to start ripping America apart but for the sake of being cival I wont.
I would love to see a GTA London or an English based GTA regardless of all the above facts I doubt we will see it but as others have mentiond it has been to London before and if the new version returns to S.A L.C I will be annoyed..
And to the joke about how we speak I can assure you that is a very small group who speak like that if your unsure of how much times have changed try watching some modern day London movies or better still come down and let me show you around. Would love to see your mind change when you see how things are out here.
Your list is just racist and no thought at all,you just don’t want GTA to leave America
Oh yea also they would just change the name and make gangs,it doesnt have to be completeley true
Rockstar won’t have to create a carbon copy of the real London, just base the city on it, like Liberty City is based on New York. Only this city won’t have traffic calming measures, oyster cards and Boris Johnson, and all the police will be armed. And the Queen will be some kind of evil overlord.
Bit silly to think cyclists and traffic calming measures are a reason GTA London wouldn’t work, just don’t include them. It’s a game, anything is possible.. Although I do acknowledge the tongue in cheek nature of this article.
10 Rockstar north already did a london based game, and scottish hating english is the same bullshit as american hating canadien.
9 Why the hell would London mayor feature in a game that is set in a fictional London based city?
8 why would Rockstar care what Daily mail says?
7 In Gta IV you can ride subway for free, and if its gonna cost they’ll do it someway other than oyster cards.
6 See above
5 There are cyclists in real life NYC but there weren’t any in Gta IV why would there be cyclists in Gta:London?
4 It’s a game it doesn’t have to have speedbumps.
3 Guns are pretty much illegal in NY it’s the same in England.
2 British police does have guns, just not the regular patrols but the game doesn’t have to be so realistic.
Now we come to your worst reason
It’s so bad argument I’m going to just say SEEK HELP YOU STUPID RACIST
about 5% of our country speak like what you fat americans think we do nobody says spiffing thats just an american made word to depict us english in your shitty sitcoms every time i speak to a yank they say “dude you dont sound like your from england” how would you know the only english guy you have seen is Hugh Grant and he is a TWAT. so before you slag England just remember we gave you your language your land and your freedom 35000 years our great nation has been here yours 350 your country may be powerful now only because of size, we ruled the world once with our brains and you have cities bigger than our entire nation and we are still Great Britain you all you yanks have done is supersize what we have done you fast food munching mofos
I’m not American and I was still offended by that. Only about 5% of the population think you speak like that just like only 5% of the population in England speak like that (that is, if America is anything at all like Australia). And don’t act like England is the best country in the world, because, well, it’s not. And noone calls it great Britain. It’s just England. I know that some people think Australians are straw sucking, crocodile wrestling, kangaroo riding hillbillies. But I also have half a brain so I know that just because some people think that, it doesnt mean the whole world thinks that. And you rul-ED the world ONCE with your brains. But, sadly, then people like you came along and populated the country, some of you found your way into high places and into the media, an BOOM, your warped logic spread like a disease, infecting anyone who had the displeasure to have heard you speak. These people then infected the people they knew, and those people infected everyone they knew, until this stupidity became a worldwide pandemic. I hope you are pleased with yourself.
just shut up you idiot as you are straw sucking crocodile wreastling kangaroo riding hillbille as the other guy was right as great britan gath you freedom and you know what its people like him that keep england strong
“We gave you your land and your freedom”
Actually we kicked your asses and took it. Then we invented bombs that could wipe your shit little island off the planet.
When you say YOU invented bombs (implying nuclear weapons) you should realise this:
Ernest Rutherford, in 1919, was the first to split an atom, though it was nitrogen, and thus there was no power generation or explosion. In 1932 Sir John Cockcroft and Ernest Walton were the first to cause a nuclear reaction by the fission of an atom. Enrico Fermi, however was the first to fission uranium, in 1932, though at the time he did not fully appreciate the consequences of this discovery. Otto Robery Frisch and Lise Meitner were the first to realize the potential energy produced by the fission of uranium, however, and in a latter experiment, Frisch proved the theory.
Now which of those Physicists/Mathematicians were American? They are mainly British, some being Europeans. Now before you pull out the intelligence card, I better tell you that not one of your University’s comes close to Cambridge.
You’re obviously a tool. It doesn’t have to be that realistic to have speedbumps and cameras you moron. Maybe Birmingham or something like that? It would be something different at least
those are the worst reasons ever the only one i agree with is the police, GTA isn’t accurate anyway you don’t even top up petrol in the game and your banging on about congestion charge
also the 1st point is bullshit you really thin the scots wouldn’t set in london because they hate the english which they dont me being scottish
this list is completely racist. no one in london says things like ruddy and they donnt speak posh. the cops do carry guns andin GTA IV its basically newyork but they call it liberty city. it isnt exactly like new york, so why would they make a london game exactly like london. ive been to london before. u obviously dont know alot about london and england. ur just a racist idiot.
what the hell how do you know about congestion charge.. i mean as if that would happen in gta did it happen in the last one nope so why in this one.also sir you are a racist with all this added bullsh-t about things you dont know and before you say anything i can say what ever i want about the usa as my great grandad was a usa pilot
im gessing your american and hate us english but it dosent have to be exactly like the modern london and liberty city has traffic jams around every corner just think one of the missions could be like your in the london riots of 2011 and obviusly gta would see ways around your stupid list and about your ‘Anyone But England’ t shirts if you havent noticed rockstar have a lot of crude humor and some funny jokes and to be honest would you care about hateing england when you could get $200000 from selling it?
Wow. What crap reasons. Who says it would be called London anyway… They didn’t call the city in GTA IV, New York Did they? Liberty City… So they would probably call it something else. And do you think the bright, ingenious people of Rockstar Games (originally founded in Leeds, UK!) are really going to think about oyster cards, and speedbumbs? wow. I’m embarrassed for you writing this article.
Umm… American public transport is paid for in real life. American newspapers have written Daily Mail-esque views. American’s have traffic calming measures and cyclists, too. I don’t think any city-dweller reacts to crime any different from London.
There are elements of real life left out of the GTA series because it ISN’T REAL LIFE! (Congestion Charging and “bendy busses” could be left out, too).
Some police in England have guns, which means you could make the game realistic (IE: Wanted Level for cartheft would not result in Armed Response, rather Stingers etc).
BoJo is great and would make a fantastic comedy character in a GTA game.
I think the real issue for a GTA: London game would be this… GTA is based in fictional places based on actual places so they don’t get their asses sued. Therefore, a GTA game in london would need a Londonesque name but not London itself. Also, would need parodical names such as “Big Dong” for Big Ben, “The Pickle” for the Gherkin, etc etc.
I would love to see a GTA London game released, as I think London has so many things that could be parodied to make a really entertaining game, with enough gang crime etc to make it really immersive with lots of oppertunities for missions. Also, the social demographic is widespread enough to have a real rags-to-riches feel to the game.
You can all go fuck yourself since there has already been a GTA Londan so lolololol
Some reasons why GTA London would be HEAVYWEIGHT:
I don’t promote this kind of behaviour but in a game like GTA woooo!
1 The Crime:
a) The dealer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSFtskF0XV4
b) The hitman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWDVk-lO0Vg
c) The heavy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddvm-qFZO8M
d) The Prisoner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VdCZrWRRQg
e) The Smuggler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dktVL1X8WEs
f) The Bent Cop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5MGVZebo_w
g) London Gangs ( few of the 250 ): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dIiC765fTk
h) Have a look at other videos on this channel to know more on that side:
http://www.youtube.com/user/essexboys1994?feature=watch#p/u
i) Don’t forget to check out Ross Kemp on London Gangs.
The Music:
1994 Jungle Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff5HIAqv_2g
Dubstep Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiLFC_cD300
Bumpy UK Garage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA541lVPYpg
Classic UK Garage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVVXjuW26XU
Soca Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC8GpWMQgiA
Notting Hill Carnival: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTPrK1YWVgA
Drum and Bass: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_LfmTeSN4w
Grime: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZQnhl5wZY
British Hip Hop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhkoegM9HQE
British Reggae: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fj7dofhbSns
Not to mention the numerous styles of music that are less promoted but still played: Ska, punk, rock, indie, alternative, trance, pop, etc..
Gotta love this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7R7q1lSZfs&ob=av3e
Some more british tunes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my6pB7iq4jY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XctIKFATSnA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31U6wKbaosQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-sHyGm_QwE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMR5K2QWfJk&ob=av2n
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL2Bgj-za5k
and that’s 1/1000’000th of what there is!!!
Scenarios:
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlJS1mOUiPo&feature=fvst
Essex Boys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hIMtMh-Yk8
Cass: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH_kyxHofnU
Kidulthood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdoKD4gTQ2c
Adulthood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhrJBUMxNMQ
Snatch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8jbt0wBkMI
Rock’n'Roller: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNfWakn1OwE
Trainspotting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmQqhuKmECc
Human Traffic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc0kPAPNahU
Other Aspects:
Tourism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJqgXOjqkuc
London Public Transport: Double deck buses, underground trains, etc…
Betting Shops, Soho (chinatown).. I dunno.. there’s so much it’s hard to list it all and i’ve got other shit to do.
Peace.