"Is that a carrot in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?", "How do you like your meat alternative soy bacon product in the morning?", "Here’s 20p, phone your Mum and tell her that all the tofu you’ve eaten has left you too pale and weak to go home tonight"
These are all chat-up lines used by vegetarians. Because vegetarians are sexy. We know it, you know it, and the PETA people know it, too.
That’s why PETA have conducted a poll online to find the World’s Sexiest Vegetarians.
It might be hard to actually think of some sexy vegetarians. Let’s list a few before we tell you the winners.
There’s Morrissey (CDs), who once sang "Meat is murder". But he also sang
a song called Roy’s Keen that featured the line "We’ve never seen a
keener window cleaner" and is possibly the rubbishest song by anyone ever. Would
he have written it if he had a nice hot pork chop in the oven? Doubtful.
And there’s Paul McCartney (CDs), an outspoken vegetarian who famously
said "I don’t eat anything with a face". We’ve been looking into this,
and we wouldn’t be surprised if Macca exploits the obvious loophole in
his statement by rushing home after a hard day of waggling his thumbs
about to stuff his belly with all kinds of faceless creatures such as
oysters, clams and Justin McLeod, the character played by Mel Gibson in
the 1993 movie The Man Without A Face.
Apparently, Jude Law (DVDs) is also a vegetarian. And he keeps putting his pee-pee inside nannies. Unconnected?
The winners of the 2005 PETA ‘World’s Sexiest Vegetarian’
competition are in fact Chris Martin from Coldplay (CDs) and Carrie
Underwood, who won this year’s American Idol.
Can you think of sexier vegetarians than Chris and Carrie? Can you? Because we sure can’t. Leave your suggestions below.
[story by Stuart Heritage]