Paris Hilton is a woman who inspires jealousy in every single member of the human race. "How come when Paris Hilton has sex on the internet she gets super-rich and super-famous, and when I do it I get fired from my job and laughed at in the street?" the world thinks.
Paris Hilton is just lucky, we guess. She has it all – money, fame, power, rubbish perfume named after her, crappy TV shows… but one thing Paris Hilton doesn't have is a boyfriend. Possibly. We think. Basically, what we're saying is this: Paris Hilton has probably split up with Stavros Niarchos.
Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos always looked like such a wonderful couple, no matter what they were doing. Crashing their cars into other cars with jumpers on their heads – beautiful. Fighting party organisers over rumours that Paris has herpes – beautiful. Being named the ninth-tackiest couple in America – beautiful.
So it's with a heavy heart that we have to tell you about the reports of Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos splitting up. According to Paris Hilton's representative Elliot Mintz:
"Paris has elected to move on with her life. She has no intentions of saying anything negative about Stavros. I trust they will be able to remain friends and hope people will not attempt to sensationalise her personal decisions."
If that sounds familiar to you, that's because is it. When Paris Hilton split up with Paris Latsis – Stavros's predecessor – all the lovely friendly statements were brought into play before the Latsis camp started calling Paris Hilton a "hooker." Whether there is a replay of this between Paris and Stavros is unknown, and we'll either a) wait for developments with baited breath, or b) quickly lose interest and fall asleep.
Brilliantly, one rumour about the source of the Paris/Stavros split revolves around the long-awaited (by deaf idiots) Paris Hilton album. According to US Weekly, Stavros wants to spend all summer partying on a yacht while Paris is more interested in promoting her CD of Three 6 Mafia-assisted megahits.
If this is true, they're definitely missing a trick. Why doesn't Paris Hilton promote her album from the party boat with Stavros, while keeping every copy of the CD onboard with her? It'd certainly be the most torpedo-efficient method, we're sure.
Read more:
Paris resumes single life – E! Online
[story by Stuart Heritage]