Well, well, well… it’s just one award ceremony after the next. After the Naomi awards, the hecklerspray team have gone behind enemy lines to get report on the comings, goings and tomfoolery of the The Brit Awards.
And what a night it was. Everyone who you thought would win a Brit Award won a Brit Award. And the most exciting thing that happened was that Harry Hill sort of did a bit of a sing-song to announce that James Blunt won something. Hooray for British music! Ahem…
This year’s big hitters at the Brit Awards were Modern Life is Rubbish tribute act
The Kaiser Chiefs (CDs). The Leeds band picked up three trophies, including Best
British Group. Ricky Wilson, member of said band said:
"This is our first Brits. We weren’t meant to win this one. This means the world."
Chuffed?
So would you be if you’d probably been picked on at school for having a
large round face. Apart from the roundness, the Kaiser Chiefs were presented their award by
Vic Reeves who hailed them as "the best band in the world from Leeds."
That’s Vic Reeves who sang Dizzy with The Wonderstuff and ate jam
sandwiches on Top of the Pops. Whilst serenading a washing machine.
Anyway,
what were we talking about? Ah, yes, the Brits. Another winner on the
evening was James Blunt (everyone’s favourite rhyming slang) who picked up the Best Male award. The posh
arse, who was in the army once, stated:
"I have been accused so many times of singing like a girl that it is amazing to be the best male."
Blimey! Not only that, but Blunt was defended by Chris Martin, famous for writing stuff on his hand, who said:
"Stop giving James Blunt a hard time. Be proud, he’s British"
Other
wieners, ahem, winners included Green Day for Best International Act,
KT Tunstall for Best Female, and Arctic Monkeys for Best Breakthrough. The evening was a mixture of awkward jokes, and people
showing off. Presenter Chris Evans hit a bum one when joking with Boy George:
"Did you really call the NYPD about a burglary when you
had 10 bags of drugs under the bed?"
Boy George, no wittier than an eight-year-old idiot, replied:
"No, I think you did Chris."
Did everyone spot that rapier-like wit? I know you are, you said you are… nyaaaaah…
Filthy
sex pixie Prince performed at the show, by virtue of the
fact he’s neither British, nor had a decent selling single out for
years. Even though it is widely reported that Prince is made from wax,
lives in a sock and eats tinfoil, the singer looked in good spirits. He
sang Purple Rain to rapturous applause from all the fools there who
were no doubt ‘with the sponsors’. Rock and Roll my arse.
Madonna,
now a Brit by default – by trying real ale, shooting animals and
living in a castle – won Best International Female, which must be nice
for her. She proclaimed:
"I would like to thank all of my British fans, without whom I would just be another singer across the pond."
There
was also a bit of hubbub from Kayne West, who turned up with a load of
girls painted gold and not much else on. He probably won something as
well. Surely you don’t care by now.
Essentially, the Brits stood
up for what it is. A marketing ploy to sell more records. Also, for
people to turn up, back slap and snort coke of their young PA’s
forehead. It’s all dreadful and should make you feel ill. If the most
prestigious awards ceremony in Britain is the Brits, then judging by
the choices for winners, this country is fucked, and
devoid of real talent.
It’ll be on TV tomorrow. You should watch it. You’ll be furious.
Read more:
Kaiser Chiefs Storm BRIT Awards – Billboard
[story by Mof Gimmers]
WC says
The only thing more predictable than the awards winners at the Brits, was the fact that Hecklerspray would write a pithy and ‘irreverent’ article about it. Well done chaps, you’re at the cutting edege of culture with a capital Blunt.
GRC says
Is it possible to write an article about the Brits without being pithy?
hecklerspray says
You got that right WC, and we’re just managing expectations, that’s all. You know what we’re all about by now.
And besides, industry-sanctioned awards shows are rubbish. Fact.
PS – congrats to the Drowned in Sound developer. Lovely-looking website. Same navigation fonts we use…